Empty Swing
by castlefan6
Summary: Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Previously **_

_**Courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com**_

_**Rick is signing books, although his heart isn't in it, he tries his best to put on a good front for his fans. He's almost ready for a break when a book is placed in front of him, he responded in his typical fashion, not bothering to look up, the faces have all become a blur to him by now.**_

**CASTLE  
How are you?**

_**He signs book after book, but his heart isn't in it. The questions are all perfunctory; a means to an end. "And your name is?", "How are you?" "Hi there." "Who should I make it out to?" "Thanks for coming." Nothing is genuine. Everything runs together. "Who should I make it out to?"**_

**BECKETT  
Kate.**

_**CASTLE looks up. She's hopeful.**_

**BECKETT  
You can make it out to Kate.**

_**He can't believe that it's BECKETT standing in front of him. He doesn't react.**_

**EXT – NEW YORK STREET**

_**His book signing is over and CASTLE is leaving. He shakes the hand of the bookstore employees as he's walking out.**_

**CASTLE  
Thank you very much. Thank you very much for your hard work. Next time I write a book I'll be sure to come by. Thanks very much.**

_**He hesitates when he sees BECKETT waiting but he doesn't stop. He walks right past her.**_

**BECKETT  
Castle, wait.**

_**He doesn't stop or turn to look at her.**_

**CASTLE  
I did, three months. You never called.**

**BECKETT  
Look, I know you're angry –**

**CASTLE  
Oh, you're damn right, I'm angry.**

_**He stops and faces her.**_

**CASTLE  
I watched you die in that ambulance. Did you know that? Do you know what that's like? Watching the life drain out of someone you –**

_**He stops and she's silent.**_

**CASTLE  
Someone, you care about?**

**BECKETT  
I told you I needed some time.**

**CASTLE  
You said a few days.**

**BECKETT  
I needed more.**

**CASTLE  
Well, you should have said that.**

_**He's turning away.**_

**BECKETT  
Castle, look, I couldn't call you.**

_**He's stopped again.**_

**BECKETT  
Not without dragging myself into everything that I was just trying to get some space from. I needed some time to just work through everything.**

_**He's still upset and not letting himself feel anything but the anger.**_

**CASTLE  
Josh help you with that?**

_**She knows what he's fishing for and though it shouldn't, it annoys her.**_

**BECKETT  
We broke up.**

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 1**

**Outside New York Bookstore, Kate's first week back from Medical Leave.**

With that, she turned and marched to the park across the street to the swings that are empty at this time of day. She never turned back to see if he followed, just assuming Castle would be Castle and so happy to see her he would follow her blindly.

When she reached the swings, she turned, fully expecting to see him a few steps behind, but what she saw sent shock waves through her body. Not only was he not behind her, but he was also walking the opposite direction in such a quick pace she would have to sprint, (not happening in her 5-inch heels), to even catch up with him. She took a deep breath and then lost sight of him as he disappeared into the New York landscape.

She knew before she planned the visit that he would be upset, but she never anticipated this type of reaction. She was shocked, and a little angry, he was really acting immature by walking away from her, not allowing her the opportunity to explain herself, hell she was the one that had been shot. What had she done so wrong that would justify that type of behavior?

She grabbed the swing that he should have been sitting in and gave it an extremely hard push, not thinking, it came back and hit her behind the head after she turned leaving a small goose egg. Damn him, who needs him any way she thought,

She made her way back to her apartment, and changed into her lounge clothes, holding an ice pack to her head, trying to re-think what to do. Rick had the file tracing the money trail during the time of the murder, she desperately wanted to see, after all he could have missed something. When he came to her Mother's case, she left no stone unturned, and trusted no one else to investigate, it was too important to her.

She was going to bring it up casually when they talked, but he was so upset with her, he couldn't wait to get her out of his sight. If he had any idea, she was coming to check on the file, he would have been even more livid than he already was. She was just about to pour herself a glass of wine, to go with the To-Go meal she had picked up on her way home when the doorman buzzed.

"Yes James, this is Kate Beckett, you buzzed?"

"Yes Mam Ms. Beckett, we have a special delivery courier here, that requires your signature, may I allow the courier access to your floor?"

"That would be fine, Thank You"

A few minutes later, her doorbell buzzed, and as she gathered her gun in one hand, she peeked out the spy scope to ensure it was truly the courier. Satisfied it was she opened the lock but didn't remove the chain on her door.

"How can I help you, I'm Detective Kate Beckett" she barked through the partially opened door.

"Can you provide me with a photo ID, I will need to record it for my delivery record, please hand it through the door." The courier replied,

"I want you to know I am a Police Detective and I have a gun aimed at you through this door, don't try anything strange or make any quick movements, understand?" She commanded

The young man turned two shades of pale, before he squeaked out, "yes mam, I'm just here to drop off this package from a Mr. Richard Castle"

A package from Rick, what the hell? She thought as she dug through her purse and pulled out her Drivers License handing it to the courier, as he copied down the number with very shaky hands, as soon as he was through, he handed it back through the opening, and then asked,

"Can you please sign my delivery slip? I'll place it thorough the door, so I can complete this delivery and be on my way."

He thrust a computer iPad type of device and Kate scribbled her name by the X using her fingernail as the stylus, and then put the device back through the door. He handed a file, which appeared to be a few file folders packaged into one envelope through the door, retrieved his signature pad and turned to leave quickly.

"Hey hang on and I'll get your tip," Kate tried to calm him down,

"No thanks, I'll just be on my way, good day" and he was down the stairs not waiting for the elevator.

Closing the door, and double-locking it again, she took the package over to her table, retrieved her wine and then returned to open the files. What the hell was Rick sending to her, he was certainly acting strangely, in fact all of her co-workers had not been as empathetic as she thought they should have been in her opinion. Making matters even worse was the new Captain, God what a piece of work she was, call me Sir, who the fuck did she think she was? Kate silently fumed as she struggled with the tapped corners of the files, finally retrieving a knife to get the package open.

A letter floated out as she pulled two official police and fire marshal reports from the package. She recognized Rick's handwriting immediately, and thought it was strange he would send the files tonight she was going to give him a day or so to cool off, he always did, and then approach him again. Those plans were shattered when she opened the letter to read;

"_Dear Detective,_

"_We both know why you made your presence known today after all this time without as much as a single line of text from you for the last four months. I was made aware you knew I had the files and you would be looking for them soon, I just didn't think it would be this soon, or you would use the guise as one of my fans seeking an autographed book to get my attention. _

"_I decided to make it easy on the both of us, here are the files, and all of my notes, not that you'll believe them anyway, but the fire was purely accidental, and the lead ends there. I'm sure you will disagree, so when you do, be careful, Chief Halstead is connected at City Hall, and from what I know about Gates, she is aching to tear apart anything that Roy built. _

"_I wish you luck Detective, I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for someday, but I have seen all I need to see about the inside story of New York's finest, and I think it best if we both stick to what we do best. _

"_Thank You for the opportunity to shadow you, although it came with a price, one I am no longer willing to pay. You can tell Esposito that your Fetch Dog has left the building not to return, so he can mark his next target for cheap shots and insults._

"_I'm sure you know that I was working your case night and day until the Captain kicked me out, well being honest after not hearing from you for that length of time, I went peacefully rather than fight it with Bob Weldon. I'm sure Gates still doesn't know my connections, but it's neither here nor there, I won't be back and you won't have to worry about having to shoot me._

"_I want to apologize for upgrading your apartment to bulletproof glass and state of the art detection system, but I promised your Dad I would keep you safe, unfortunately I was a little late to get you out of the way of the bullet. Please tell him I am sorry I failed; I did try my hardest to protect you. _

"_This is one threat removed, you won't have to worry about someone taking a shot at you from another building, the glass won't allow the bullet to penetrate it. Have Esposito give it the test if you wish, and also please confirm with Lanie that she was there when they were installed. I thought it best not to be anywhere near there for fear of your wrath of my invasion of your privacy. _

"_What I did was __**not **__for you Detective, it was for a Father who I empathized with, and took steps to keep his little girl safe. Once again, I apologize since I know you will be unhappy with something that was done, and it will be my fault, so the apologies are made in advance._

"_I hope you enjoy the book, even though I know you received the pre-sales advanced copy that all Castle Fan Website Elite members do, perhaps you can sell it to recoup your money, it only has my signature so it won't be hard to sell, perhaps even for the Police Widows and Orphans Fund auction this year._

"_Good Luck, I hope the time away has taught you that you can't continue to treat friends in the manner that you do, lest you wake up one day and discover you are all alone, trust me, from experience it's a lonely feeling. If you have any questions about the files or my investigation, or have a need to contact me please do so by contacting Paula Haas. I won't be available for an undetermined amount of time as I begin my next project. She will be my only outside contact, no exceptions, _

_RC_

_Castle _

Kate almost fainted, he was leaving her, even though he knew Mayor Weldon could override Gates decision and get him his consultancy back, he wasn't even going to try. She knew he was upset, but she could never envision a day when HE ended the arrangement, she always thought that would be her choice.

Hell, who was she kidding, since she was shot, she remembered every single word, it was almost like it was on a loop in slow motion. It haunted her dreams and even sometimes would haunt her waking hours, especially if she got close to the cemetery. She could hear his every word, hear the cry in his voice, "**Kate, shh**… _**Kate. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay? Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."**_

She didn't know what scared her more, the fact she may be dying, or that she would never be able to tell Rick, she loved him too. She had played these games so long, yet he still loved her, Hell he tried to jump in front of a bullet for her, how much more proof did anyone need? Then the darkness overtook her, and the dreams ended with her waking in a cold sweat. Sometimes, it would be Rick who was shot, and she would have his blood all over her hands, usually, her crying would wake her from that dream.

She examined the files, as usual Rick was more thorough with his notes, and observations than even she would have been. From all indications he had followed every twist, every turn, even hiring a PI to go undercover and verify Chief Halstead's credibility, it was impeccable, just as he said.

She turned to the meal she had purchased, now cold, still sitting on the counter and just tossed it in the trash. This was going to be an AON, or Alcohol Only Night as she took the bottle of wine and glass to her bedroom. Things were fucked up, nothing like she had planned, or expected. She still struggled with the sight of Rick walking away, he never would have done that in a million years, but along with his comment about treatment of friends, she was beginning to see just how the next chapter in her life was going to look, regardless of how much she hated it.

Xx

Rick watched as she turned and started to walk away. His first reaction was to walk towards her, force of habit and instinct had him take two steps, before stopping, and reversing his path. No More! He had endured all the pain over the past 4 months, and he wasn't about to fold now. Only God knew how badly he had hurt, how he struggled to get through each day, all the time watching his phone for a text, or even better a call as she promised.

What exactly had she said, "Sorry Rick, I didn't call I was busy with Josh till we broke up," who the fuck knew when that was or even if it were true, she had told him exactly what he knew before he saw her, absolutely nothing. What pissed him off more than anything was her attitude than she was the injured party, that he should totally understand, and not question her.

Sorry, he had enough of waiting, and now seeing her in person, hearing her voice, and the pleading look in her eye, he had almost caved, but something inside gave him the strength to walk away. The first three steps had him wondering was he really doing this, was he really walking away from Kate, after all of the sleepless nights, the tears, and the heartache? Was he really going to move away from the source of his enduring hurt?

With each step, his stride increased in length, and speed, until he dared not look back, he wasn't ready to see her standing alone. Soon he had reached the only place in the world he could find relief from his problems, bully's, girls, no money, whatever the problem of the day was when he was a younger boy, the library. He entered and found the smell of the institution, the old books, the ink on the drawings, all a welcome relief to the turmoil boiling over inside of him.

He found a small table in the corner and took from his backpack a yellow pad, and sharpie, and divided the page into two columns. He had developed the technique to help his decision making as a young boy, listing all the reasons why he should take this action on one side, and why he shouldn't on the other column. The dilemma today was should he believe Kate and forgive her with what little information she had given him.

It didn't take long before the reasons for NOT far outnumbered the reasons to just forgive, forget and pray she wouldn't lie again. He was surprised, but listing the reasons out in black and white, well, actually yellow, it brought into focus very clearly, he had been her puppet. No wonder the jokes about her having him on a chain, him being her fetch dog, and she only kept him around to service her needs for coffee were more hurtful now than ever because, in his eyes, they were true.

He had just finished the list, and pondered the next step, what to do about it when his phone chirped with a text from Kevin.

"_**Rick, Beckett is back, knows you have the file, expect her to contact you, just a heads-up man, didn't want her to surprise you -Kev"**_

So that was the reason for her standing in line, buying another copy of a book he knew for a fact she had a copy of, she didn't want to see him, what an ASS, all she wanted was the file. Well, if that's what she wanted that's what she would get. He quickly wrote her a note, then carefully placed it in his backpack. The moment he got home, he packed the files, and his notes into an envelope and called a special courier to deliver it tonight to Beckett.

A call to Paula for a cover story and explaining to her that he was working on something off the grid, took care of the last lines of his note. Alexis had just gotten settled into Oxford, and Martha was on tour with her acting group, neither would be home for months so he had the freedom to put his plan into place. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pitch the evidence he had uncovered, he would go completely underground to bring his plan to fruition.

He had hoped to show Beckett, how much he had cared, now he just wanted to get the mess over with, and hopefully forget the last three years. When Kyra had left him to go to London, he thought he could never hurt that badly again, he was wrong, so wrong. This was worse than any pain he had ever endured, and now he would bear it alone, again, naturally.

TBC

A/N Please note updates will be sporadic throughout the holiday season, I will be out of town for a mini-vacation. This story is another What If, and ONLY used the events in Canon to jump start it. I'm not sure exactly where we'll wind up, Caskett is NOT a guarantee, we'll have to see. Respectful reviews and remarks are appreciated, any negative comments or trolls will be deleted,

Thanks, hope you enjoy! Tim


	2. Chapter 2

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

_**Rick watched as she turned and started to walk away. His first reaction was to walk towards her, force of habit and instinct had him take two steps, before stopping, and reversing his path. No More! He had endured all the pain over the past 4 months, and he wasn't about to fold now. Only God knew how badly he had hurt, how he struggled to get through each day, all the time watching his phone for a text, or even better a call as she promised.**_

_**What exactly had she said, "Sorry Rick, I didn't call I was busy with Josh till we broke up," who the fuck knew when that was or even if it were true, she had told him exactly what he knew before he saw her, absolutely nothing. What pissed him off more than anything was her attitude than she was the injured party, that he should totally understand, and not question her. **_

_**Sorry, he had enough of waiting, and now seeing her in person, hearing her voice, and the pleading look in her eye, he had almost caved, but something inside gave him the strength to walk away. The first three steps had him wondering was he really doing this, was he really walking away from Kate, after all of the sleepless nights, the tears, and the heartache? Was he really going to move away from the source of his enduring hurt? **_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 2**

**Castle Loft Two Hours Later**

Rick was still in shock with himself, he knew he would have, hell was ready to cave into her as always and once they were at the swings, she would bat her eyes, and convince him that what she did wasn't really that bad. The sad part, with the love he had for her, he would be content to be her fool once again, but something deep inside of him finally said enough.

Perhaps it was the memory of doing everything for Kyra, for her mother, and still winding up standing alone at Times Square as Kyra hurried off to a new career, a new opportunity that didn't include him.

It was ironic, must be broken heart week, as he recalled the events and the last time, he had seen Kyra, he truly loved her, truthfully, she still owned a piece of his heart and always would. First loves are never forgotten, sad but true.

He was reviewing his plan to get out of New York for a while, he didn't have a new project unless you called mending a broken heart a project. He knew, his strength to face Kate, look in her eyes, and not fall for her again would not be enough to save his same old behavior, he had to getaway.

He was jolted from his thoughts as the landline rang, it took a second to register what it was it rang so infrequently, he almost let the voice mail get it, but the last ring before the machine would answer he picked up, out of curiosity more than anything else.

"Castle Residence" he had answered the usual greeting for the shared line,

There was a moment of silence, he could hear the breath on the other line,

"Look, I don't have time for games, so if you have something to say, you better do it now, or I'm hanging up in 3,2, *"

"Wait, Rick, it's me, Kyra, please don't hang up." In a voice so small, shaky that he had to think

"Whoever this is, that's not funny, who is this, and what do you want?"

"Rick, it's really me, Kyra Blaine, I'm sorry to call your landline, but I tried your cell and the number you had for years was changed, I'm sorry to bother you"

"Kyra, where are you and what's going on? I mean it's been over 16 years since you left for that great opportunity, in London I think it was?"

"Rick, I can tell I hurt you, I really never meant to do that, you have to believe me, I know it's not easy to, but Mother had me under her spell. I hated London, I missed you every day and I almost came home but I read where you were married, so I decided to stay where I was at, I could be miserable and not have to see her."

"Well a lot of that going around, no one sets out to hurt someone, at least I hope they don't but you still haven't answered my questions, where are you and what do you need from me?"

"I'm in New York, Mother passed away and I'm here for the final arrangements, I didn't know who else to call. I know you and she never got along, but Rick, I need a friend now, more than ever."

"Excuse me, the last I heard was you were engaged to Gregg somebody, a wealthy family from New York, and were going to get married like royalty in the UK, where is your husband?"

"We're divorced, have been for 6 years, he returned to New York and I stayed with the Fashion Boutique, Rick, is there someplace we could meet, I mean, I would really love to see you, no funny business as you used to say. There's so much to tell you, and I want to apologize in person not over the phone, please?"

"Where are you staying Kyra?"

"I'm at the Four Seasons, I checked to see if your suite was available and it is, so would you meet me here please?"

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea, for either of us, I'll meet you at LeCerc in an hour, you know my private booth, just tell Justin you're my dinner date."

"OK Rick, I'll see you in an hour, thanks I am sorry, I want you to know if I'll*"

"Kyra, I have to go, see you in an hour" as he hung up.

He took a deep breath, what the hell was going on, first Beckett, now Kyra, both coming back into his life for different reasons, but both needing something from him, well at least Kate did, Kyra remained to be seen. He called Justin then Paula and advised her he would be out of contact and she was the point for all matters, and he was surprised when she ended the call with,

"Ricky take care of yourself; you know some of us love you and always will, call me if you need anything," he thought he heard her sniffle before the line went dead.

Xx

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Later that Night**

Kate had consumed more than her normal share of wine, yet the dreams came again tonight. Tonight, they seemed to be in enhanced color and surround sound, even with the wine dulling her senses and making her a bit tingly, the dream overcame her buzz, and once again she woke with her tears damp on her pillow.

The vision of Rick's blood on her hands seemed so real, almost like once again she had hurt him, made him bleed not from the body, but from his soul. She knew he was hurt, it finally hit her, this man was willing to give his life for her and she couldn't take 5 fucking minutes to call or text him. No wonder he walked away, and now for the first-time doubt that she would ever get back to her Rick, even as a friend, was a real possibility.

She showered and got dressed for work, another fun time with the new Captain. It seemed like all the oxygen had been sucked from the precinct, everyone else was the same, all doing the same jobs, but were they, or were they just going through the motions. Somewhere along Gates growth path, she seemed to have forgotten motivation, or leadership.

She was also still a little put off by the reception, maybe the boys did their best, but the end result was the same, her case was now in the cold case file. In the old days, no cop shooting ever went cold, formally or informally, but by the book Gates had to run the precinct her way. Adding insult to injury, she had received her badge, but she was told she had to requalify before her weapon would be reissued to her.

She decided to play hardball with the Captain, without her gun, no way was she going on the streets and the earliest she could get a requalification exam scheduled was next Monday. She advised her team that she would assist in all but fieldwork until she was re-qualified, and actually cited the regulation number from the Police Manual that Gates kept by her desk. To say she pissed off the captain, was an understatement.

"Beckett, don't think I don't know what you're doing, well just remember I have a long memory and I won't forget this."

"Sir, I don't know what you're talking about, I'm just following the regulations, isn't that what you told me when I came back, I had to become more of a formalized cop, not such a rogue."

Gates just made a noise and stomped off to her office.

Roz Karpowski slipped into Kate's cubicle, "Not saying that I didn't enjoy that, or she had it coming but you need to watch yourself, Kate, the word is she's connected. She kicked Rick out and even his friend the Mayor couldn't get him back in."

"Where did you hear that Roz," Kate asked a bit shocked,

"She was bragging in the break room how this was her precinct now, and no one was going to tell her how to run it, not even the Mayor. She claimed that she told him Castle was out, and he backed down"

Kate shook her head, and then watched as Roz say,

"Yeah, I know it was bull shit, only one person could keep or get Rick back here now Kate and we both know it's not Iron Gates. Have you talked to him since you've been back?"

Kate was hesitant but figured hell, Roz might be able to help her.

"Let's get lunch Roz at the sandwich shop past Remy's so not everything we say will be back here before we are, I need to talk to someone."

"Sounds Good Kate, and I agree, I don't know if the booths are bugged or if it's just that Esposito has as good hearing as he is a gossip, maybe both." As she clocked out and grabbed her purse. Everyone was sure they were following every rule, right down to marking themselves out for lunch or breaks, as petty as that was.

They had a great lunch, well except when Roz explained the hours Rick had put in, the anguish he felt, and then when he convinced Lanie to let the repair people into her apartment to upgrade the security system and bulletproof windows in every room.

"So, Kate have you talked to him at all?"

"I tried Roz, I went to his book signing, bought a copy and waited in line, to get him to notice me, he signed it with his name nothing more, and then I waited for his signing to end. When he came out of the book store, I tried again, and well things didn't go good and he walked away from me."

"Kate, I know you so you want to try that again?"

"OK, he asked me if Josh had helped me in rehab, I know I should have told him when, and where but he pissed me off, so I just said we broke up and I walked to the swings in the little park on Elm street across the street, I thought he would follow, he always followed me, but he couldn't wait to get away. I knew he'd be angry, but Roz, was what I did that bad?"

"Kate just the fact you have to ask me, you already know the answer to that question, your closest friends sat and worried about you, Rick was going out of his mind, until the Captain kicked him out. When it happened, we all thought the Mayor would be down, and Rick would be back in a few hours, but he never came back. I know Gates didn't have that power so you want to tell me your side?"

"Yeah, you're right Roz, I talked to Rick just a little to know he hasn't even called Mayor Weldon, he's done with me, with the Captain, with the whole damn precinct. I think he said he went willingly since I lied to him again, and he was tired of waiting for a phone to ring when I never had any intention of calling him, I really fucked up Roz."

"Yes, you did Kate, and not only with Rick, but you better get your team together and make things right with them. I saw transfer requests on their desks when they briefed me on the case, they closed for my team last week. Kate, if you lose them both and Rick, it's not going to go down good for you at One PP. You're opening the door for Gates to wipe the floor with you, so you better get this fixed, one friend to another."

"What, the boys transferring? Why? Why would they do that?"

Roz just looked at her and rolled her own eyes. "Kate, I want to ask you a question, tell me the truth, because if you tell me a lie, I am not going to back off, understood?"

"Yes, but I have no idea of what you're about to ask?"

"Do you care about Rick at all, if you don't, I am going for him, just to give you fair warning, think carefully Kate, he wouldn't give any of us the time of day, now, I'm not so sure, so if you want him then get your act together and make it right, or stand aside. If I fail, I know Ann Hastings is waiting to make a play for him as well"

"What? What do you mean, of course, Rick's my partner, and I care about him, I never meant to hurt him?"

"You mean like taking up with Deming, then that piece of shit, womanizer Doctor Davidson. Did you even do a background check on that loser Kate? He's lucky he still has a medical license, and I think he has at least four or five women accusing him of sexual abuse at work."

Kate's face turned red, and then she said: "Roz why did you run his background check, was there a legal reason?"

"You didn't know that he was brought on charges of assault against Rick for shoving him right after your shooting, we ran the background check before we found out that Rick wasn't going to press charges, no matter how angry his daughter got with him. I'm sorry but you still haven't answered my question, do you love Rick, or is he fair game?"

"Roz, based on yesterday, there's little if any hope he feels anything for me, so for now, he's fair game, but don't hurt him, he's a good man."

"You're telling me, you didn't see anyone trying to go for that Badge Bunny Magnet Deming from the 12th did you, and sorry Kate, but you can sure pick them, everyone in the station knew the doctor was screwing half of the hospital. We only hoped you would take your head out of your ass and see if for yourself."

Kate motioned for the check, hardly touching her food.

"Would you like a to-go box for that mam," the young waitress asked

"No, no it's fine, thank you" the thought of Roz and Ann both going after Rick had just killed her appetite, as well as the sliver of hope she was holding on to hoping he would call or text. The sliver of hope she did hold was dashed when she tried to call his number and got a message that the service had been disconnected. Her heart just felt like it had been disconnected from the rest of her body, and her pain was just beginning.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

_**It was ironic, must be broken heart week, as he recalled the events and the last time, he had seen Kyra, he truly loved her, truthfully, she still owned a piece of his heart and always would. First loves are never forgotten, sad but true.**_

_**He was reviewing his plan to get out of New York for a while, he didn't have a new project unless you called mending a broken heart a project. He knew, his strength to face Kate, look in her eyes, and not fall for her again would not be enough to save his same old behavior, he had to get away from her charms and power she held over him.**_

_**He was jolted from his thoughts as the landline rang, it took a second to register what it was it rang so infrequently, he almost let the voice mail get it, but the last ring before the machine would answer he picked up, out of curiosity more than anything else.**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 3**

**LeCerc Restaurant One Hour Later**

Rick arrived at the restaurant 20 minutes early, only to find Kyra already in a private room, reserved for him and his friends for privacy. He would know that beautiful lady anywhere, she seemed to have gotten more lovely with time. He strode to the booth and took her hand, watching as she jumped. She was out of the booth and into his arms in a second, squeezing him so tightly, as Rick gently hugged her back.

He heard her whisper over and over, "I'm so sorry Rick, I was such a fool, I missed you so much"

After a few minutes he pulled back, and looked at the beautiful lady now standing in front of him, he whispered, "Hi Kyra, I'm sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do to help?"

"You already are Rick, when I called, I was almost certain you would hang up on me, I deserved that, and wouldn't blame you if you had. I know you hate me, you have the right, but I never forgot you, us, and all of our dreams."

"Kyra, I don't hate you, I never could, I was hurt, well more like destroyed if we're being honest. You mentioned you read about me getting married, well putting this in socially acceptable language, my daughter was born full-term, 7 months after we were married. Did I love her, Yes, I thought I did, but to be honest, I haven't had the best record in relationships, well I'm not telling you anything new."

"Rick, it wasn't you, it was never your fault, my mother hated you for some reason and right before she died, she asked me to forgive her, and to give you this, if I ever saw you again." She pushed an envelope over to his side of the booth,

The private server that always took care of Rick, watched for a lull to come over,

"Good evening Mr. Castle, may we get you and your guest something to drink,"

Rick looked at Kyra, "do you still take your manhattans with light vermouth and double cherries?"

Kyra smiled and nodded yes, with tears in her eyes, "You still remembered"

"Your usual Mr. Castle?"

"Yes please, thank you, Justin"

As he walked away, Kyra looked at him with her eyes full, "Rick do you remember everything about us? God, how did you remember my drink order?"

"To answer your question there are things I tried to forget, but being truthful, I couldn't you were always in my mind somewhere. That must sound awful since I have been married twice, and divorced, but when you left, you took part of me with you. I told both women about you, and that I could never give what I had already given away."

Kyra's tears now begin to fall, Rick ever the gentleman handed her his handkerchief to dry her tears.

"So, what's the story, like I said the last I heard you were marrying Gregg, or Craig from some New York family your mother approved of, what happened to that girl that didn't believe in institutions, especially marriage."

"She grew up and realized that she had made a mistake, the man she loved was already married, so she settled for a nice man, she thought she could grow to love, but she was wrong. Six years, two affairs, and a host of other discretions she had enough and divorced him."

"I'm sorry Kyra, you don't have to talk about it, I know how painful infidelity is, Meredith, my daughter's mother cheated on me when Alexis was still in her crib. I called Mother, borrowed $500 and flew us back to live with her. Thank God, Black Pawn signed me to a 5-book deal and a healthy advance within the first month, so I bought the Loft, and decided that my little girl would never need to know about those days."

"Rick, I know my Mother was the cause of our breakup, we talked the last few months she was alive, there were almost 4 years when I wouldn't acknowledge she was alive, let along communicate. She saw how much you really loved me, enough to put up with her, the schemes, the changing rules, and she finally admitted she was wrong and apologized for breaking us up.

"I know how much I hurt you when I left for what was supposed to be a life-changing opportunity, the first of many lies Mother told me to keep me away from you. I'm not blaming her; I wasn't strong enough to know just how much you really did love me. The letter you have is a message from her to you, even I don't know what she wrote, so you could be getting a heartfelt apology, or questioning if you are sure you're not teaching at some third-rate college in New Hampshire."

"I'm not the only one who doesn't forget, she said that when, (he suddenly caught himself), well it doesn't matter now, let her rest in peace. She was a mother trying to protect her daughter, so I can't hate her, I let that all go after therapy."

"Rick, I know when she said it, it was the night, you came to ask permission from my Dad to marry me, he said yes, and of course Mother had her own vision of what was best. I'm sorry you went through all that hurt. That had to hurt you terribly, I know Daddy and Mother didn't speak for almost a year, not that things were ever that loving between them anyway."

They enjoyed their meals and a few drinks and now had hit the awkward stage, what now?

"Rick, I've read all of your books, I know you're in love with Kate Beckett the Detective you work with, so I'm not asking for anything but your friendship, I know how strongly you feel about the people you care about."

"Well, your timing is impeccable, I hadn't spoken to the Detective for 4 months before earlier today, she was shot and then checked out of the hospital without telling any of us where she went to complete her rehab. Well, she showed up at a book signing, and then tried to force me to talk afterward, I think that bridge has been crossed enough times, but thanks for noticing and your respect for my values."

"Would you come to my suite, I swear, no monkey business, I just need a friend and right now, you are the only one I have, well at least I hope you are still my friend."

Rick pulled out his cell phone and pushed one number, said something low that Kyra couldn't hear, then stood and offered his arm to her,

"Come on, we're taking the back way out, and the car is waiting to avoid the paparazzi, that's the last thing you need as you try to plan a funeral."

She tiptoed up and kissed his cheek, "You're still the same sweet Rick I fell in love with so many years ago, but I promised, so thank you, let's get out of here."

Kyra may have been his girlfriend for over three years, but she never had to deal with the press of Richard Castle, or those willing to risk their jobs to sell pictures to the rag magazines. Tonight, was such a night, in the brief time of an embrace, to the tears, he wiped away and finally the kiss on his cheek, the dishwasher had captured enough pictures to earn a good reward, several months salary.

Xx

**Kyra's Suite **

**Four Seasons Hotel,**

**New York,**

Rick, always the gentleman assisted Kyra out of the limo and walked quickly toward the penthouse elevator, but not quickly enough to avoid one last series of pictures from the amateur sleuth, who had left the restaurant when he was sure they were leaving together.

Rick and Kyra innocently approached her room, and Rick was adamant about keeping his shoes on, he knew just how much power this beautiful lady still had on him. When they got to her room, her bed was full of all sorts of documents from funeral parlors, and Rick could see that it was causing her a great deal of pain.

"Kyra, do you want me to help you with the arrangements?"

"That's asking a great deal of you, Rick, I mean*"

"Do **YOU** want the help?"

"Yes Rick, I'm lost, I haven't a clue, what to do next."

Rick pulled out his cell phone and called Howard Weissman, his attorney for over 15 years, explained what he needed, and then agreed to something and hung up.

"We'll have someone here at 7:00 AM, which is only 3 hours away, in case you hadn't noticed. I know time got away from me, I just didn't want the night to end."

"Then don't let it, Rick, we can sit here, and not have sex, we had to do it for years in college, but to be honest, I feel the safest in your arms when you are holding me, just hold me" as the tears came again.

Rick sat down on the couch, Kyra laid down with her head on his shoulder, her arms around his neck, quietly crying. Rick rocked her, just as he had in the early days, till he heard he breathing smooth out, then there it was, she still had the cutest, flair of her nose when she was asleep.

He placed a pillow across his lap and gently laid her head on it. He leaned back and closed his eyes, and for the first night, in months, dreamed of someone other than the Detective. Kyra had his hand clasped tightly between her two small hands, and seemed to find comfort from that small touch.

Rick's eyes opened when the first rays of sunlight came sneaking into the room, it was 5:58 AM, then he heard her voice,

"Thanks Rick, I got the best sleep in a long while, I'm sorry your back must be killing you."

"Actually, it's not, but our guest is due in about an hour, I'm going to wash up and order us some coffee and toast, at least before he gets here, OK?"

"She smiled, up at him, it's fine Rick, Thanks for staying, I know I would have been out of my mind if I had to face this all alone.

Rick washed up, called room service, and 25 minutes later the knock on the door came, Rick answered and tipped the waiter. He noticed they had also placed a paper on the tray. He poured himself a coffee as Kyra freshened up, and glanced at the paper. It was only a minute before he saw the grainy pictures of him and Kyra, Damn Paparazzi, this was the last thing she needed.

When she walked back into the room, she could tell by his face something was wrong,

"Rick, are you going to tell me what has you upset or are you going to make me guess?"

"I'm sorry Kyra, I was careful, but I guess this was an inside job, they have pictures of us in the paper"

"May I see?"

"Well, they're not the best quality, but not bad, at least they know who I am." She commented as she glanced at the caption, '**Is Richard Castle Back to His Roots?'**, then went on to explain that Rick and Kyra were an item at Columbia, and were rumored to have been engaged before she took a foreign assignment.

"You're not upset Kyra, I mean I thought, you would be out of your mind with rage"

"Why, because some paper printed pictures of two people who were in love, made mistakes and now are both single, and kissed on the cheek, I'm flattered, to be honest, I would be flattered to be on your arm anywhere Rick, that never changed."

Rick let out a deep breath he had been holding and squeezed her hand that suddenly had claimed his as her home turf.

Xx

**12th Precinct, NYPD**

**8:02 AM Same Morning**

Kate had arrived at work after her fitful night of sleep, well nightmares, at her usual time of 6:30 AM, holding a single cup of coffee from the Java Hut, another reminder of how much things had changed. She never bought coffee after Rick came into her life, somehow it was his way of first saying Good Morning, then perhaps he was trying to say more. Almost as if it were a silent symbol representing words he couldn't say, "I love You", he knew it, so did she if she were being honest. It wasn't always him who ensured the touch of skin as they exchanged cups, ever so slight, yet his touch sent chills down her spine.

Esposito and Ryan had arrived, well at least clocked in at 7:55 AM, to avoid Iron Gates wrath, but were busy in the break room getting a cup of coffee, and arguing, that wasn't new, they always disagreed. It seemed like Kevin was adamant about something, waving his arms, and for the first time that Kate remembered, actually poked his finger in Esposito's chest and turned and walked away. Javi followed, and she noticed that Kevin had a newspaper under his arm. He deliberately avoided her eye contact until she called him,

"Good Morning Guys, anything interesting in that paper that was worth that argument in the break room? You know Gates is looking for anything to get us all on, so what's going on?"

"Kate, it's nothing really, I mean we always disagree, why should this morning be any different?" Javi meekly replied,

"Because Kevin called you out and got into your face, he hasn't done that ever, so conference room B, both of you, we need to talk anyway." She walked to the conference room with two detectives looking more like little schoolboys headed for the principal's office.

Once inside the door, she locked it, and lowered the blinds, turned and faced the two men, who now had the fear of God look on their faces.

"Before we deal with what you two are arguing about, let's address the other elephant in the room, "When were you going to tell me you were requesting transfers?" Kate said in a soft disappointed voice, "I mean I know I have been a bitch, but guys I thought we were family, what happened to the love we had for each other?"

Kevin looked as if he were about to cry, finally, Javi spoke up,

"Kate, your own words, you were a bitch, well, in all honesty, you still are to us. When Castle was here, we never felt the barbs of your temper, you always directed those toward him. Since you've been back, you find something wrong with everything we've done or do.

"I know Iron Gates is giving you a hard time, well newsflash, she's been on our ass for two months, we get it. That doesn't give you or anyone permission or a reason to take it out on each other. As you said, we were family, people who care for each other don't treat others the way you have.

"Rick was here every day, almost around the clock, but something changed, he kept his phone out, almost like he expected a call, one that never came. I asked him one day why, he just replied, well no real reason, just wishful thinking that someone would finally tell him the truth, but he guessed things would never change.

"The call he was expecting was from you Kate, we watched as he went deeper and deeper into a depression until the Captain kicked him out. We all thought he would make a call to his buddy the mayor and be back and rub in her face, but when he left, the look of defeat was all over his face.

"We tried to call a couple of times without luck, so maybe you want to tell us what the hell is going on between you two. Everyone in the cemetery heard him profess his love for you, and if you're honest, really honest with yourself you're not interested in Doctor Motorcycle Boy any more than you were Deming.

"You love Rick, and every time you two have problems you take it out on us, so enough Kate, we decided our friendship was more important than staying in this work environment and hating each other, at least it is for us.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you, but we tried, more than once but you didn't want to hear anything but about your case. Finally, Kev and I decided it was best to leave you at work, and keep your friendship. We're sorry, we really are but we now understand just how Rick must have felt, and if it was anything like us, we owe him an apology as well." When he finished, he sat down, with his head in his hands, reminding her so much of Rick's motion of rubbing his face then his hair when he was hurt, or depressed.

"Kevin, you haven't said anything, do you agree with Javi? As I said, I know I've been tough on you guys, but I thought you understood, it was for*"

"Stop Kate, Stop the lie right there, it's not for the good of anyone, it's you frustrated and angered that things changed here, we get it. Roy is gone Kate, he's not coming back, and now that we lost Rick, well to tell you the truth, we really think that you need to see someone, you're acting like a spurned spouse who was left for another woman.

"Rick didn't leave you Kate, you drove him away, and he's not coming back until you make it right with him. Screaming and criticizing Javi and I will never bring Roy back, or convince Rick to come back, you own that. It may be harder than you think now,"

"What's that supposed to mean Kevin?"

"It's what he wanted to tell you, and I was fighting him on this morning, but I see now, he's right. You need to own this Kate, and you just made things a whole lot more difficult if not impossible to do that" Javi said as he put the paper down face up for her to read the headline, even from the distance she could read '**Is Richard Castle Back to His Roots?' **She picked up the paper to see the photos of Rick and some woman, who the hell, Oh God, no, no, it was Kyra, the only one she knew he loved more than her. Tears came to her eyes, as she looked at the photos, then she said quietly,

"Guys, I'm sorry, if you can give me a couple of weeks, I'll make the appointment with Doctor Burke, you're right, I need to talk this anger and hurt out, not take it out on you guys. Thanks for calling me on it, but I would appreciate it if you would delay the transfers, for a little while anyway."

"We can do that Kate, but not forever, not without you changing. It's not fair to us, Rick, or yourself. You may want to tell Lanie, she's in the same boat as we were, not knowing how to reach you but reaching the breaking point of your friendship" Javi was quiet, sincere and almost reverent in his tone, Kate could tell the words were difficult to say.

Kevin actually had tears in his eyes as he turned and headed to the door. She had a lot of work to do, and now she knew, it wasn't her co-workers who had acted strange, it was and is her attitude and sense of entitlement. She would call Doctor Burke on her lunch, she was certain now that Rick was gone forever, back to his first love Kyra.

TBC

**A/N Once again some liberties have been taken with Canon timeline, I wanted to work a true threat to Kate in and Kyra was the best choice, once again, I'm not promising this will be Casket, it will depend on how much Kate matures in the next several chapters**

**12/25**

**To the Guest Reviewer who left this review, I really don't mind you reading another story other than mine. If you know the show, at all, there's the arc of behavior that no author can change unless he/she rewrites the entire series. I have said it often, if the story isn't for you, thanks for trying it but move on to the next, your comments don't lend any merit when you sign in as Guest. If you would like to discuss this in detail log in and PM me, my followers will tell you I answer every message. I don't write for you, but for my entertainment and for those who enjoy the story, and Merry Christmas to you as well.**

I really do not mind a story not ending up Caskett. However,I would love to see you take a different approach with your stories. You change a few things add a new character or two but basically they are the same story. Kate behaves badly, Rick gets hurt, Rick runs, Rick meets another woman,Rick likes woman, Woman realizes Rick will never get over Kate etc. Demming is a J*** and DMB is pervert.


	4. Chapter 4

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

_**When she walked back into the room, she could tell by his face something was wrong, **_

"_**Rick, are you going to tell me what has you upset or are you going to make me guess?"**_

"_**I'm sorry Kyra, I was careful, but I guess this was an inside job, they have pictures of us in the paper"**_

"_**May I see?"**_

"_**Well, they're not the best quality, but not bad, at least they know who I am." She commented as she glanced at the caption, 'Is Richard Castle Back to His Roots?', then went on to explain that Rick and Kyra were an item at Columbia, and were rumored to have been engaged before she took a foreign assignment.**_

"_**You're not upset Kyra, I mean I thought, you would be out of your mind with rage"**_

"_**Why, because some paper printed pictures of two people who were in love, made mistakes and now are both single, and kissed on the cheek, I'm flattered, to be honest, I would be flattered to be on your arm anywhere Rick, that never changed."**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**NOTE! This will be the last update until I return from a small vacation. Wishing you and yours a Very Happy New Year, back soon.**

**Chapter 4**

**Four Seasons Hotel**

**Kyra Blaine Suite, 7:00 AM**

They had just finished the toast and coffee and discarded the room service tray when they heard knocking on Kyra's door. Rick, ever protective of her, even still, went to the door and checked through the security viewer to see a man in a suit and briefcase standing. He cautiously opened the door,

"Mr. Castle? I'm William Tarboro, Mr. Weissman sent me to assist in some final preparations for a loved one."

"Yes, please call me Rick, and come in please Mr. Tarboro, the arrangements are actually for a very dear friend of mine, Kyra Blaine, as he motioned to her still sitting at the small table.

"Kyra, this is Mr. Tarboro, Howard sent him to assist us in the planning for your Mom's services."

"Please call me Bill, Rick, Kyra, I'm very sorry for your loss, I'll do all I can to take the burden of this away from you and Rick" as he shook the hand of Kyra who had crossed the room, and wrapped her left arm around Ricks back, her security for as long as he would allow it.

"Thanks, Bill, I know what Mother would like but, I just can't make the calls or arrangements. I know that sounds stupid, but*"

"Not stupid Kay, just human" Rick interrupted, not shy about using the love name he had for Kyra during college,

The name wasn't missed on Kyra, as she turned into him crying and hugged him tightly. God, why did she ever leave this man, even now he still was her rock, after all the hurt, he still cared about her.

Bill gave her a few moments and then asked, "Can you continue Kyra, I have all the time we need so there's no rush, take your time."

A few moments went by, Kyra turned, Rick dabbed the tears from her eyes, and she answered in a firm voice, "Sorry, I'm ready now."

"Very Good, should we sit at the table, there's some information we need to gather, then we will take care of everything for you, how does that sound?"

"Like a thousand pounds have just been lifted from my shoulders, thank you, Bill"

Bill proceeded to pull forms from his briefcase, asking questions about the family first, Rick was surprised to learn that Kyra had a sister, 5 years older who had died when Kyra was in High School. Perhaps that was why her mother was so protective of Kyra, it made sense now.

All of the other relatives had passed, there was a family mausoleum at Forrest Park Cemetery, Sheila had a list of contacts from her social causes and their work to contact, with current numbers. She also had left instructions on the dress she wanted to wear, music played and what shocked Rick was that she had requested he deliver her eulogy if he was willing.

"Kyra, did you know this about your Mom's last requests?" He asked still in shock,

"No Rick, she just said she wanted to make things right, and thought she had the plan for you to at least see me one more time, I guess this was it. Leave it to Mother to get the last word in, even from the grave, Rick, I know what she put you through, you don't have to*"

"I'll do it Bill, sorry Kyra, you're always supposed to respect the last wishes of loved ones. I may need help when it's my turn to knock on the gates, I can use all of the good karma I can get." He tried to make light of what he and Kyra both knew, was a very hurtful memory for them both.

Kyra's phone rang, _"This is Kyra Blaine, yes, I see, yes, well we're making the arrangements now, we should have the details within the hour". _

_A slight pause, as she listened to the person on the other end, _

"_Very Good Dr. Parish, please email the forms and I will sign and have them returned to you, today,"_

_Another pause_

"_I'm sorry, I thought Mother died from Cancer, she had a heart attack that was fatal, oh thank you so very much, yes I will call you, or have our representative stop by and see you and make any arrangements necessary to get her body to the funeral home. Thank you for your condolences, Goodbye"_

"I'm sorry Bill, that was the ME, Mother died at home, and Hospice was not assigned so she needed to have the autopsy done. I guess Mother's heart just gave in, it wasn't cancer that killed her after all" as the tears fall. Rick gently pulled her into him, wrapping her in his arms, gently swaying to calm her.

"Kyra, I have a power of attorney form, limited of course to act on your behalf for this action only, I know Dr. Parrish and I'll take care of the release and transportation of your Mother is you'd like"

"Thanks, Bill, that would help her a great deal, is that OK, Kyra?" Rick's smooth voice comforted her

She nodded her head, as she wiped her eyes, still stuck like glue to Rick.

Bill had drafted a sample obituary and once Kyra had regained her composure, he asked her for her father's name, and the Sister that had passed, and names of any other relatives she would want to be listed. There was only one younger brother that the family had disowned years ago, so it was a quick exercise to complete that.

"Kyra, just a few more details, visitation, and church service if any?"

"Well we used Fortuna Funeral Home for Dad's service, visitation the night before and one hour before the service to be held at the chapel of the funeral home, then internment in the family mausoleum." Kyra got out between her tears,

"OK got it, let me get back to you once I set it all up, it all depends on the availability of Fortuna, any second choice, or do you want to wait if necessary?"

"I'll wait, it will give me a bit of comfort knowing that Mother is now arguing with Daddy instead of me," she managed a weak smile.

"Very well, let me get on this, I trust it's OK to copy Rick on any emails, Kyra, I should know something by late this afternoon, OK?"

"Of course, PLEASE copy Rick on everything, Thank You so very much, this took a huge weight off my shoulders, I'm not sure if Rick will agree, but he would do anything for me when we were together, I'm so glad that hasn't changed. I'll wait to hear from you and thank you for being so patient"

"Of course, have a good day, and we truly are sorry for your loss, call us if you need anything" as he handed her and Rick his card.

Rick started to walk him to the door, but Kyra had her arm around his waist and walked with him, step for step, as they said goodbye and closed the door, she turned and held him and wept as he had never seen her cry. It was all he could do to hold her up, so he gathered her up and carried her to the couch, laid her down, and then lifted her head and placed it in his lap just as she had slept last night.

He gently rubbed her back and let her cry, she needed to get it all out. Her tears finally began to subside, then he heard the gentle sound of her breathing, she had fallen asleep in his lap, holding on to his leg for dear life.

He glanced at the coffee table and there he saw it, the letter from Sheila Blaine, the lady who had cost him the best years of his life, heartache like he had never felt before or since, the lady he had agreed to deliver the obituary for. God, why did he have to say yes, knowing full well why, he would still do anything for Kyra, and she needed him.

Kyra was exhausted, and perhaps it would be better if he read the words from her Mother in private first, she was already feeling the guilt for her mother's actions, no need or desire to hurt her even more. He carefully opened the envelope and pulled out three pages of stationary with familiar handwriting. No going back now he thought as he unfolded the sheets of paper and prepared to read the final words from a woman who, under different circumstances would have been his Mother-in-law, grandmother to his kids, but that wasn't to be. He took a deep breath and began reading the letter.

Xx

**Doctor Carter Burke Office**

**Next Morning 7:00 AM**

Kate had kept her word to the boys, and called Doctor Burke, he didn't seem surprised to hear from her and had saved a time slot for her for 7:00 AM the next morning. She arrived, another damn Java Hut coffee cup, Damn Java Hut, damn you, Rick Castle, damn you life, why did she feel so lost and alone? She paced back and forth as she waited for the doctor to arrive, every minute feeling like hours, till she finally heard his warm deep voice,

"Good Morning Kate, please give me a few minutes and I'll be right with you."

She continued to pace and about 5 minutes later the kind doctor opened his door, and asked, "Are you ready Kate"

She noticed his cup steaming from his desk, a tea bag hanging out of the side of the cup, as she returned his greeting of good morning, it was anything but, but she had to start thinking about other's feelings over hers and it started today.

"OK Kate you sounded quite upset when you called yesterday, has your return to work jarred your memory? Have you had a recall of your shooting, or is there something else that has made you this upset?"

"I Lied" was all she said.

Doctor Burke waited a moment, then asked, "Can you expand on that please Kate?"

"I lied to you, to everyone when I saw you for clearance to return to work. I remember my shooting, I always have, every moment."

"May I ask what possessed you to lie during our sessions? Was there a fear of something or perhaps our therapy upset you? Whatever the reason Kate, you need to be honest with me."

"I told you about the shooting, I didn't tell you about the events before and after. I was dating Doctor Josh Davidson from Mercy Hospital, although I was in love with someone else, please bear with me, I'll get there. I worked with Richard Castle the author, I had for almost three years and yes, I developed feelings for him, but I pushed them, him aside and dated anyone else to keep him from getting too close.

Rick was at the funeral of our Captain, I guess he saw the glint of the sniper rifle just a second before the shot, and made a dive for me, knocking me just far enough out of the bullet to save my life. Well when I was laying on the grass, he held me with direct pressure, and I was staring up at him, then he said it"

"Said what Kate?"

"The words that got me through every dark day and night I've had since that day, he said ', "**Kate, shh**… _**Kate. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay? Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."**_

He pleaded with me and made me fight, to tell him I loved him too, but I passed out and then had the two NDE (Near Death Experiences) in the ambulance, I didn't know that he was right there with me, never leaving my side till the hospital forced him to.

I was wheeled to surgery, where my boyfriend was on duty, of course, they made him call for another doctor, but Josh blamed Castle and accosted him in the waiting room. Rick never fought back, feeling the guilt that it was his fault that I got shot.

When I felt strong enough, I called my Dad and asked him if he would tell Castle I would love to see him,

He didn't leave the hospital for a week after my surgery, his daughter brought his clothes, he showered at the hospital, bribing nurses and staff, and worked next to my bedside, just waiting for me to wake to tell him I loved him too. Josh finally had him removed by security and blocked him from seeing me till I woke. I didn't find out till later about that.

"You said you had your father ask Mr. Castle to visit, did he?"

"Of course, he was there within an hour, he and Josh passed each other as he entered my room, I knew they didn't like each other, but I only found out the complete story later. Rick brought me flowers, and of course, complimented me for everything, but when he asked if I remembered the gunshots, I lied."

"You lied, Why Kate if you remembered everything what would make you lie to Mr. Castle, and to continue the lie even in therapy?" Kate could tell she had ruffled the good doctor's feathers,

"You have to understand Doctor, I awoke to see my boyfriend as I was remembering the words Rick had said to me, I was confused, was it the drugs, did I just think he said it because I wanted it so badly? I wasn't sure then, so when I first said I didn't remember, it was true, but after seeing Rick's eyes I knew he had said it, and that he did love me."

"So, did you tell him the truth then Kate, or did you continue the lie?"

"Worse, when he asked about what I remembered, I said that some things were best never remembered, I saw the look in his eyes, he knew I heard him, and took that as a rejection of his love"

"Kate, how would you have accepted the message if Mr. Castle had been where you were?"

"What? What do you mean?" She was shocked the Doctor was calling her out,

"How would you have felt if Rick had been the person shot, you were the one to say the words, and then he tells you what you told him; how would you accept that message?"

"Like he didn't love me, and didn't want to hurt me like it was an easy way to let him down, oh God, that's how he felt."

"I take it there's more to the story than just a three-minute visit from Mr. Castle you need to talk about" Doctor Burke prodded her,

"Yes, he said he would call me, I asked him not to, I was tired, I needed a couple of days, and I would call him."

"So, when did you call Mr. Castle, and how was it received?"

"I didn't call him, I broke up with Josh, the next day, partially because I loved Rick, but also Dad had told me that he assaulted Rick in the waiting room, and Rick wouldn't press charges since he knew Josh and I were together. I also found out he was cheating with a number of nurses, so he was gone"

**FLASHBACK DAY AFTER CASTLE's VISIT**

Josh had completely put the altercation with Castle out of his mind, in fact, he and Nurse Perkins had their normal evening tryst in a private part of the hospital, he was with Kate, but hell what did the song say, Love the one you're with. He had a reputation all around the hospital, and unfortunately for him, Nurse Perkins liked to brag and wasn't discrete about where.

Kate had started recording conversations with the doctors, Lanie requested it, to be sure she was getting the best care. It was an App on her phone saved to her cloud account so it had virtually no time limit. She was asleep, or almost asleep when she felt the presence of people in her room, it was Nurse Perkins and her sidekick, Nurse Diaz. Perkins was crowing to Diaz about how she and Josh had tried a new position, and argued that it was kinky,

"Let's face it, Diaz, you're just pissed that he dumped you when he found that girlfriend he keeps in reserve,"

"Who said he dumped me, Perkins, you think you're the only one he's fucking you better think again. Why do you think I get tested for STD's so often? Your reputation is that of a slut, I have no idea what Josh might pick up with you so I get tested since he hates to use condoms, and so do I."

They finished taking vitals and making enough noise to wake a patient in Lanie's morgue, but Kate lay there numb, how could she have been such a fool. He had played her, been playing her since day one. Well, the Bastard was in for a surprise when he came in to see her.

About two hours later Josh stopped by, and wore his usual I'm all yours look, which faded as soon as Kate began to play the conversation, he had no words, he couldn't deny anything, not only was he cheating but he had his regular harem setup at the hospital.

"You had the balls to accuse me of cheating on you with Rick, all the time you were sleeping with God knows how many sluts, get out, out of my room and my life. If you ever come around me again, I swear I will blow your balls off and stuff them down your throat. You fucked around on the wrong girl, now get out", she screamed so loud she noticed she had an audience of nurses and doctors at her door and her monitors were sounding all kinds of alarms. Josh left trying to keep a low profile, right behind him were the two nurses that had been his bedmates.

**Present Day Burke's Office**

"Excuse me, you didn't call Mr. Castle, for how long Kate?

"I never did, I tried to see him at his book signing at Barnes and Noble after I returned this week, but he surprised me"

"How did he surprise you?"

"Well when I told him he could make the dedication out to Kate, he looked at me, almost like he hated my guts, he scribbled his name, slammed the book shut and called next, dismissing me"

"Was he angry Kate, you've been around him to know when he's upset, and when he's really angry and if so, do you think he was justified?"

"He was angry Doctor, really angry. I knew he would be upset, but I thought he would understand"

"Understand what Kate, you lied to him, if I captured the facts correctly, am I wrong?"

"Well, eh yes, there's more."

"More to the reason Mr. Castle was so upset?"

"Yes, I never called him back for the rest of the month I was in the hospital, then I checked out and went to my Dad's cabin in upstate New York without telling anyone of my friends."

"Let me recheck this, YOU asked to see Mr. Castle, he came right away, you told him somethings were best never remembered, even knowing that he knew you heard him confess his love, then you sent him away, promising to call him in a few days.

"Not only did you not call, you allowed Mr. Castle to believe you were still in a relationship with the Doctor that assaulted him, one he didn't press charges simply because he was with you. You also let him make the assumption, a valid one I might add with the available data he had, that you were off in some remote location with your Doctor/Boyfriend, after you had promised to call, and had not spared five minutes to keep YOUR promise, Kate.

"You returned to your normal residence some 4 months since your last contact with Mr. Castle, then show up at a book signing, unexpectantly, and were upset when he signed your book with his name only, and then refused to follow you after you waited for him after his signing, he walked as you described, briskly in the opposite direction, now is that everything Kate?"

Kate looked at the floor, then out the window,

"God Kate, what else, we can only fix this if I know what the full story is"

"Well, before I was shot, my Dad had gone to see Rick, asking him to get me to back off the search for my Mom's Killer, and well, at first he refused, then Dad played his trump card. He left Rick with the words, Rick, if my little girl is killed her blood will forever be on your hands"

"Well did Mr. Castle come to talk you before all of this occurred and if so, what happened? Did you have a productive discussion?"

"He came, he always came to try to protect me, when he told me I should walk away, we fought. I said terrible things to him, then I threw him out of my apartment, he never said a word about my Dad coming to see him."

"So how does this visit impact what we have been discussing?"

"Well, he felt so guilty when he couldn't knock me out of the way of the bullet, even taking the shot himself, he had my apartment completely updated during my absence to bulletproof glass, and state of the art security features, he sent me a letter along with some paperwork after he walked away from me, telling me he didn't do it for me, but for his debt to my Dad for failing to keep me safe"

"Kate do you have any idea of the cost of that upgrade? I can tell you just our share of the building's upgrade was far more expensive than I could have imagined. I'm at a loss now, what is it that you wish to gain from our visit?"

"Well, I wanted you to know, and then schedule a session for each area you think I need the most work in,"

"Kate, you do realize our sessions are one hour long, this will require a commitment on your part for a minimum of 12 visits, in the meantime, start a journal, write down everything you need to make amends for and to whom. Now our time has been over for quite a while. Please make your appointments before you leave, and Kate, respect Mr. Castle, he gave you your space, it's he that needs separation now. Perhaps that will change, but not if you harass him" Good Day

She stumbled out of the office after making the appointments, then took out her cell phone and dialed a number, when she heard the prompts on the recording, she answered with the required information,

Detective Kate Beckett, Badge # 41319, Homicide, 12th precinct, just today, personal illness, Confirmation code 65498Z Thank You and hung up, she had called in sick, now she just had to make it home, she was sick all right, sick of what she had done, and the hurt she had caused. It was so ugly when Doctor Burke reduced it to bullet points on an action plan. She needed help and a lot of it,

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

_**When she walked back into the room, she could tell by his face something was wrong, **_

"_**Rick, are you going to tell me what has you upset or are you going to make me guess?"**_

"_**I'm sorry Kyra, I was careful, but I guess this was an inside job, they have pictures of us in the paper"**_

"_**May I see?"**_

"_**Well, they're not the best quality, but not bad, at least they know who I am." She commented as she glanced at the caption, 'Is Richard Castle Back to His Roots?', then went on to explain that Rick and Kyra were an item at Columbia, and were rumored to have been engaged before she took a foreign assignment.**_

"_**You're not upset Kyra, I mean I thought, you would be out of your mind with rage"**_

"_**Why, because some paper printed pictures of two people who were in love, made mistakes and now are both single, and kissed on the cheek, I'm flattered, to be honest, I would be flattered to be on your arm anywhere Rick, that never changed."**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR, ENJOY THE BONUS CHAPTER, NEXT POST NEXT WEEK LATE**

**Chapter 5**

**Four Seasons Hotel**

**Kyra Blaine's Suite,**

**9:30 AM **

Rick glanced down, Kyra had just fallen into a deep sleep, he had the letter from Shelia Blaine opened and in his hands, all he needed now was the courage to start to read it. It wasn't a secret to anyone that between a rodent and Rick, who would have been Shelia's choice to stay and which to go. Oh, what the hell, here goes nothing he thought as his eyes began to focus in on her neat handwriting.

"_Dear Richard,_

_I don't know which of us will be more surprised, you from reading this, or myself from finally taking a hard look at myself and the hurt and divide I have caused both you and my daughter, Kyra. I won't make any excuses, my behavior was atrocious, I was reminded often from my late husband, who by the way was also a lot like you, caring to a fault._

"_You probably don't know but Kyra had an older sister, five years older to be exact, who Kyra worshiped. Unfortunately, Karen, yes, I liked my daughter's names to be close, Karen didn't always make the best choices in life. She had just entered her Junior year of college when Kyra finally made it to High School, with the big kids as she used to say. _

"_Karen fell prey to the party scene, and all that came with it, including alcohol and drugs. Kyra never knew this Richard; we didn't want to tarnish the image of the sister she idolized. We were constantly making trips to Los Angeles, she was enrolled at UCLA until we finally had to withdraw her altogether and bring her home to New York. She tried the outpatient program at St. Joseph Hospital, we tried Richard, we truly did, but eventually she would get out of rehab and score drugs that very same afternoon._

"_As a last resort, we had her committed for the 160-day program, praying this would finally cure her of the demons that had taken over. By this time, she had resorted to every means an addict will do to get funds for their scores, including stealing from us, neighbors, and friends, but the lowest point was when she was arrested for selling her body on the street for drugs. _

"_During this last stay at St. Josephs, she had conned a doctor into giving her pain pills for an injury to her back. She stashed the pills until, (There was a blotch as if tears had overcome Shelia, and she blotted the paper then continued) until she had enough to end her suffering. Kyra was never told the details, but Karen took her life, so perhaps you can understand why I was so protective of her, she's all I had left in the world._

"_Keith and I stayed married, well in name only, when we weren't blaming each other, we were indulged in our own coping mechanisms. My alcohol consumption caused a lot of fights, just as did his infidelity. I can't blame him now, I gave him nothing to come home, or want to come home to. Our life was one big show, with the only bright spot our remaining daughter. _

"_She excelled in everything as you know Richard, but we both had a fear of losing her as well. It was almost as if she had to do twice as good, for herself and for Karen. God forgive me, as I ask for your forgiveness as well, it may be hard to understand but everything I did, was to protect my daughter. We have talked at length since Keith passed, I'm really sorry to say I never took the time to fully understand just how deep your love was for each other._

"_I finally told her the entire story, it was more difficult than anything I have had to do, except hear how much she truly loved you, how happy you made her, and how she felt robbed and cheated out of her happiness by my over protectiveness. You probably know that we were estranged for almost five years after her father died, I tried everything except the one thing I had always withheld from her, the truth._

"_Her only condition for accepting my apology was this, a letter to explain to you **WHY**, as she said you always had to know the rest of the story. Well now that you have it, Richard, I can only hope that you understand and find it in your heart someday to find some degree of forgiveness for me. I really don't know if it's possible, thinking of my own situation it would be difficult for me if roles were reversed._

"_If you are reading this letter it means that I'm no longer able to hurt either you or Kyra again, please, believe me, I never intended nor wanted either of you to feel pain, but I can see how I did. Kyra will need a friend Richard, I don't know what these years have done to you, your feelings for her, but if it's what I believe in my heart, it's the same that Kyra held on to, she never let go, never. _

"_She tried to live the life I had laid out for her and found nothing but misery, please forgive her for that Richard, it was her attempt to please me, she never loved anyone but you. I did something that most people will find horrid, if not awful, but I think you will understand my reasons more than anyone else. _

"_I don't have the opportunity to plead forgiveness, or hear your reply good or bad, so I asked for you to deliver my eulogy. This is your opportunity, Richard, I'll hear it, just not in this dimension. Please say whatever is on your heart, I've already spoken to Kyra, this is your open microphone Richard and she isn't to hold anything you say against you._

"_I know I have probably set your world back on its heels, first from the letter, but more from my request. If I have to tell you the honest truth, and as close to heavens door as I appear to be, I better. I always did like you Richard, far more than anyone else Kyra ever saw, including her ex-husband. _

"_I just wish I could have trusted her, and you to make adult decisions, for that I will go to my grave remorseful of the hurt you both have felt, and I'll close by asking one last time for forgiveness, and wishing you both happiness and peace regardless of what road life takes you._

_Kyra's Meddling Mother,_

_Shelia Blaine_

Rick had almost lost his emotions a few times, but when he finished reading the entire letter, he was glad he had forgiven Shelia years ago, she had tormented herself and he was sure she hurt far worse than anything he could have ever caused. He glanced back at the smudged part, definitely where her tears fell, he couldn't hold his in any longer. He silently wept, for Kyra, for Karen, for Shelia, for Keith, and finally for himself. There were no winners, everyone lost in this situation.

He laid the letter on the table and looked down to see two beautiful eyes lock on his,

"I'm so sorry Rick, whatever she said in the letter, I'm sorry it caused you pain", as her tears pooled and threatened to explode any moment.

He couldn't stop himself, he leaned in and placed his lips over Kyra's just like they had done a million times before, but this time it was different, as she returned his kiss, pouring her heart into every moment, and not pulling away. When they broke for air, she took the hankie in her hand and gently wiped his tears away, and kissed him once more, and suddenly they both were back to the best days of their lives, young and in love, at least for the moment.

Nothing else was said, not for a very long time as she held him, allowing his tears to finally fall all these years later. He had only been this open with one person in his entire life, the one that was holding him now.

Xx

Kate walked home from Doctor Burke's office in a fog, it was almost like autopilot feature within her guided her when she looked up to see her building, she had been so deep in so many different thoughts she didn't know how she had gotten there. She remembered making the appointments, the reminder cards were in her purse, but after that, she didn't recall making the conscious decisions of what streets to choose, she kept playing the session over in her head.

When she walked into her apartment, she set her phone to do not disturb, what the hell, what good is a sick day if you're on the phone all damn day. She was really upset the way Doctor Burke had reduced the events of her and Rick into a timeline, almost like, wait a minute, it was a murder board just like she used. She pulled out a small white marking board and some dry erase markers and began to reconstruct the timeline and events as the doctor had done.

She reconstructed the events leading up to her shooting then the activities afterward, using different color markers to highlight the actions that hurt Rick the most. Her lies were marked red since she knew, he was aware of her feelings when she dismissed him so abruptly from his visit with the promise, another one broken, to call him in a few days.

She worked on the Lie Board as she entitled it for the rest of the morning, and was surprised when she looked at the clock to see the time of 1:47 PM, time for her to try to get something in her stomach and she really did need to step away from this, if just for a while. The more she looked, the more the facts spoke to her, just how her actions had impacted everyone, but especially Rick. It spelled out a story that she could not simply apologize away, some lies went far too deep and personal.

She stepped out for a walk, not really paying attention to the direction she was headed, until she spotted the swings, and gasped. God this was painful, but she needed to sit in that swing and think about where Rick was coming from, God knows he had put up with far more than his share. She looked over at the empty swing, much like she did the chair in the precinct longing to see the man who so often provided her with the quiet strength, just by sitting close.

The birds were singing, the sun was out, and it was a beautiful day, she glanced over to see a couple playing with a dog and a little girl, driving the hopelessness deeper into her soul. She had never thought about kids or a family, not until she spent time with Rick and his family. The dynamics were so unique, but there was so much love and respect between them all.

She would never have thought of him as such a great father until she and Alexis talked one on one. It was clear that he had devoted his life to ensure his "pumpkin" never wanted for anything, BUT would never behave like those who must have been the crowd to make fun and bully him in his youth.

It had been hard to imagine Castle without money, but Martha shared some heartfelt stories about his time growing up, some were absolutely heartbreaking. He had discovered that humor could serve him when he encountered those embarrassing life situations, and defuse trouble.

He was always self-deprecating, never making fun of anyone other than himself. She glanced at the empty swing, gently gave it a push and let her mind go to her fantasy, she and Rick were the couple, the little girl was their daughter and life was good, but it was just her imagination running wild.

She sadly got up and walked back to her apartment, now for the real work, the journals Doctor Burke was expecting. She could tell by his tone, that he was disgusted with her actions, and even more with her perception that she was the victim, that point he cleared up immediately.

She would really have to put the effort in this time, his patience had been tested and she didn't want him to rescind her release to work. He had every right to do so, she had lied, and admitted it, with the expressed purpose to gain a return to work clearance. He hadn't brought it up, and she was determined to show him she was working to keep him from reconsidering his original decision.

Xx

**Four Seasons Hotel**

**Kyra Blaine's Suite,**

**2:30 PM **

Kyra had been content to just hold Rick as he wept, she knew he had been deeply moved, in all the time they were together, this was the first time she had ever seen him shed a tear. The kiss they shared was so sweet and tender, she wanted to hold that memory for the rest of her life, knowing his heart belonged to someone else, or at least the major part of it did.

She was content to take any part of him he would share. As her memory raced back to a younger version of them both, she remembered, he was, and always had been her best friend. Maybe she could at least salvage a friendship, even if she had lost him to Kate.

The sat on the couch, just holding on to each other, no one saying a word when the silence was pierced with the pinging of both of their cell phones indicating a text had been received. Rick reached over, took her into his lap, apparently, he wasn't ready to be apart from her yet either and opened his phone. The text was from Bill Tarboro and read;

_Kyra, Rick_

_Fortuna had availability to accommodate Mrs. Blaine, I have scheduled the visitation for Friday, from 7:00 PM till 8:30 PM, refreshments in the basement of the funeral home, and service to be held on Saturday, family visitation from 8:00 Am till time of service, public visitation from 10:00 AM till 11:00 AM, services at 11:30 AM, interment immediately following. _

_I have also attached a draft of the obituary for your approval, please advise any changes required before 4:00 PM so we can have it in both papers tomorrow. Kyra, I also took the liberty of including the picture from your Mother's last Charity Ball, to print with the notice, her friends told me it was one of the few pictures of herself she liked._

_Once again, we are here for any of your needs, please contact me with any questions,_

_Respectfully,_

_Bill Tarboro_

Rick and Kyra had read the text together silently, he paused for a second, "You ready to proof the draft Kay, we have time if not now?"

She kissed his forehead, "Thanks Rick, still as sweet to me as you always were, let's get this over with"

Rick clicked on the attachment to see Shelia's picture and name in bold letters, then read the remainder.

_**Blaine, Sheila**_

_**Shelia Blaine, (nee Michaels) Passed away June 17 at the age of 76 after a brief illness. Beloved wife of the late Keith. Dear mother of Karen Blaine, (Deceased) and Kyra Blaine. Dearest Daughter of the late Pat and Anne Michaels. Adopted Aunt and Great Aunt to many. Funeral Services will take place at 11:30 AM on Saturday, June 24, at Fortuna Funeral Home, 23040 Tallmadge Trail, Brooklyn NY, where the family will receive friends on Friday from 7:00 till 8:30 PM, and Saturday from 10:00 AM till 11:00 AM. Contributions are suggested to the American Cancer Society or The Heart Association in lieu of flowers. Mrs. Blaine will be missed by her many social causes she led or participated in making a positive change to this world. RIP with those gone before.**_

Rick was quiet, Kyra fought it, but finally let her tears go, as Rick held her for a few moments. Wiping her eyes, he asked quietly,

"Are you OK with the way your Mother's notice reads if so, I'll text Bill the approval."

"I think it's beautiful Rick, do you want any changes?"

"I agree with you Kay, I think Shelia would have loved it, simple without revealing too much personal information. I'm glad Bill pointed out all her social causes, it was always one of her passions as I remember"

Kyra kissed his cheek, "You remember just about everything don't you. I'm sure Mother is smiling on us now,"

Rick texted Bill the approval and then received the confirmation the notice would be in both local papers tomorrow, and once again his condolences.

He turned to Kyra, with a look on his face, "Hey Kay, would you like to get out of this hotel room, I think I would like a do-over at Times Square, and maybe there are some other sites you may want to revisit. You don't have to if you don*"

She kissed his lips to stop him, and simply said, "Let me get my purse."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

_**Kyra's phone rang, "This is Kyra Blaine, yes, I see, yes, well we're making the arrangements now, we should have the details within the hour". **_

_**A slight pause, as she listened to the person on the other end, **_

"_**Very Good Dr. Parish, please email the forms and I will sign and have them returned to you, today,"**_

_**Another pause**_

"_**I'm sorry, I thought Mother died from Cancer, she had a heart attack that was fatal, oh thank you so very much, yes I will call you, or have our representative stop by and see you to make any arrangements necessary to get her body to the funeral home. Thank you for your condolences, Goodbye"**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 6**

**12****th**** Precinct**

**NYPD**

**2:30 PM Same Day**

Kate had a restless night the evening before, and today's tasks were proving no better, Gates was at One PP getting chewed out, which meant she would be passing it along as soon as she got back. In between dead leads, Kate's phone rang,

"Beckett"

"Hey Girl, I think you need to come down, I may have something for you, but Kate, don't bring anyone with you, this is more off the record, OK?"

"Sure, I'll be right down." The secrecy in Lanie's voice was surprising, next to Espo, she was the very worst at keeping secrets. She said off the record, perhaps she found some information about Rick or her Mother's case, she could use some good news, the last week or so had been just awful. She had even managed to piss off her therapist, who was probably one level above a vegetable when it came to tempers, quite a feat.

"Hey, Lanie, what do you got?" Kate asked upon entering the morgue.

"Not here, my office, and Kate, officially this visit never happened, got it?"

"Sure Lanie," she followed her into her office and watched as Lanie locked the door, and lowered her blinds, marking Do Not Disturb as her status.

"OK Lanie, what the hell is going on, why all the secrecy?"

"Because this isn't a police matter and I could lose my license by telling you what I'm about to let you **guess**, so play along will you and no questions, please" she was stern in her voice and her facial expression

"OK, I got it, so the first clue please," Kate said,

"Do you remember Rick's college girlfriend's last name, Kate?"

"Yes, but what does this have to do with anything?"

"That's a question Kate, stick to the routine, please"

"OK, Kyra Blaine, next clue"

"Which parent did you lose at age 19?"

"Lanie, you know damn well, then she saw her scowl, OK, My Mom"

"Well when someone dies at home, such as someone's mother without Hospice involved, New York laws mandate that an autopsy be performed. Of course, all findings from that autopsy are confidential, including the Mothers name and surviving relatives."

"OK, so we have Kyra Blaine, Mother, autopsy, confidential, oh my God, Lanie, did you perform the autopsy on Kyra's mother, is that what this cryptic message is trying to convey?" Kate is shocked, and speechless

"I can neither confirm nor deny that Ms. Sheila Blaine was brought to my office for a mandatory autopsy," Lanie was speaking but her head was shaking yes, up and down fiercely, "Or that her body was released to an agent hired by Richard Castle, to be transported to Fortuna Funeral Services."

"Wow Lanie, maybe that explains the pictures." Kate sighed sadly

"Pictures? What Pictures?"

"There were pictures of Rick and Kyra two nights ago at LeCerc restaurant, it really hurt to see her in his life. Up to now, she was a memory, an acknowledgment in a book, but there she was in the flesh, and they were close, very close." Kate said sadly

"There's one way to confirm this is the same party, it wouldn't be out of my jurisdiction to ensure the remains arrived at the destination they were released to, most funeral services post Obits online before they ever appear in the newspaper, if at all anymore." Lanie was already pulling up Fortuna up on her computer and checked the new obituaries. Kate went behind her to view over her shoulder and they both saw the name at the same time.

"Lanie, can you click on the name please?" Kate was all messed up, feeling for anyone who had lost their Mom, but also knowing that with Kyra back her hopes had gone from a sliver to a micron to ever develop anything with Rick. Hell, at this point, she wasn't sure she could even hold on to his friendship, much less anything more.

Lanie sensed what her friend was feeling, and sadly clicked on the link, it opened to a picture of a smiling lady, beautiful, almost a duplicate of Kyra, just older and there was the notice.

**Blaine, Sheila**

Shelia Blaine, (nee Michaels) Passed away June 17 at the age of 76 after a brief illness. Beloved wife of the late Keith. Dear mother of Karen Blaine, (Deceased) and Kyra Blaine. Dearest Daughter of the late Pat and Anne Michaels. Adopted Aunt and Great Aunt to many. Funeral Services will take place at 11:30 AM on Saturday, June 24, at Fortuna Funeral Home, 23040 Tallmadge Trail, Brooklyn NY, where the family will receive friends on Friday from 7:00 till 8:30 PM and Saturday from 10:00 Am till 11:00 AM. Contributions are suggested to the American Cancer Society or The Heart Association in lieu of flowers. Mrs. Blaine will be missed by her many social causes she led or participated in making a positive change to this world. RIP with those gone before.

Kate bowed her head after reading it, wiping her eye, it was just too close to her own situation, and now she couldn't hate Kyra, hell if she were honest, she had hurt Rick once, not the marathon of heartaches he had endured with her.

"I know what you're thinking Kate, but just because the girl lost her Mom doesn't mean you stop fighting for what you want, that is if you still want him. God only knows because you won't tell us shit."

"Lanie, what do you want me to do, I tried, I went to the book signing, he walked away and then sent a courier with the file the boys told me he was investigating. He thought that was the only reason why I came,"

"Well, was it, Kate, honestly?"

"What? Of course not."

"You drove us all crazy with worry, none more than Rick. Did you know that he was the one in the ambulance with you when you coded not once, but twice? The man professed his love for you loud enough for New Jersey to hear.

"You get all pissed off when he asked you if Josh helped you in rehab. Hell Kate, none of us knew you broke up with him or when, you don't think Rick had the right to know that you weren't shacked up in a cabin with your boyfriend/doctor, that didn't occur to you why he was so angry?"

"Lanie you don't understand, no one does"

"Yeah, you're right Kate, I'm sorry I bothered you but I thought for your sake, it would be better to know what's going on before you are reduced to watching it on TMZ or reading about it in the papers. I'll mind my business now, so go ahead, live your life like you always do.

"Just remember just like Rick, all of your friends have a shelf life and a tolerance of just how much they will take, before the friendship is no longer worth the effort, I got to get back to work, you know the way out" She turned and proceeded back to the examination tables.

Xx

**Times Square**

**New York**

**7:45 PM Wednesday (Same Day)**

Kyra and Rick walked the 12 blocks from the Four Seasons to Times Square, they were aware of the paparazzi and the snapping sounds of the camera, but neither cared anymore. Let them shoot all they want, all they were getting were shots of Kyra walking with her arm in Ricks, as they navigated the sidewalks to their destination.

After 5 blocks without as much as a kiss, most of the paparazzi gave up and just backed off. Rick knew that there were always a few lurkers, those that would risk life and limb for what they called the money shot or one that would bring them a huge payday.

Kyra and he had a plan, drive them nuts come close but then back away, just keep them guessing. It was a diversion, mostly to keep Kyra's mind off of the next few days, and the ultimate pain, the final farewell. Rick wasn't afraid to be seen kissing her, nor she with him, it was more of the game they played than a lack of emotions.

They stopped at one light pole, heard the skirmish of feet in the bushes close by, and just looked into each other's eyes for several minutes. It wasn't planned, but the timing was perfect, the sprinklers came on drenching those who had tried to hide. They laughed as four hidden photographers came hurrying out of the bushes, in all different shades of wetness. They actually were comical, almost like an old slapstick movie, as they sacrificed any parts of their body to protect their equipment, the insult was to see their targets laughing so hard at them.

One of them called out, "Hey I know you don't like it; we're just trying to make a living like everyone else."

Rick turned, and in his firm voice replied, "Did you ever stop to think you would get a better response if you simply asked?"

"Most of you celebrities would just laugh at us" he replied,

"Well I'm not most celebrities, so what do you have to lose?"

"Mr. Castle, I know you're with your lady, but may we have 5 minutes of your time for some photos?"

"Sure, one rule, none of these get sold to the rags, if you guys try to stick it to me, believe me, Paula Haas will eat you alive. This lovely lady is Kyra Blaine, and she's in New York to make the final arrangements for her mother Mrs. Shelia Blane. Five minutes guys then you promise to keep the rest of your buddies on a wild goose chase, OK?"

"Deal" they yelled

Rick and Kyra were good sports and acted naturally, no romantic shots just two friends out walking, as soon as the five minutes were up, the big guy that Rick had made the deal with yelled out, "Thanks Mr. Castle, Ms. Blaine our deepest sympathies on the loss of your mother" and they were gone.

They turned the corner and Kyra gasped, there was the clock, the last place she had seen Rick prior to two days ago. She began to cry, but Rick just pulled her tighter and whispered, "we're here for a do-over, remember, we've both cried enough over the old times"

Rick reached into his pocket, and pressed play on his iPod, out came the beautiful sounds of Air Supply to a song that seemed so fitting Two Less Lonely People

He took Kyra in his arms as they danced to the remainder of the song, he heard her sing the verse,

'I was down my dreams were wearing thin  
When you're lost where do you begin  
My heart always seemed to drift from day to day  
Looking for the love that never came my way

Then you smiled and I reached out to you  
I could tell you were lonely too  
One look and then it all began for you and me  
The moment that we touched I knew that there would be

Two less lonely people in the world  
And it's gonna be fine  
Out of all the people in the world  
I just can't believe you're mine  
In my life where everything was wrong  
Something finally went right  
Now there's two less lonely people  
In the world tonight'

When the music ended, she held him tight, and said,

"Rick, I know you're not free, at least your heart isn't yet, and I understand, but thank you for tonight, this is a much nicer memory than we made so many years ago. I know we have a long way to go, but it just feels so right to be here with you tonight, Thanks" She reached up and gently kissed his cheek, but he turned and captured her lips.

"I agree, I hated this place, in fact, I avoided it at all costs, for at least ten years, then I realized that if I really loved you, I would be happy for whatever made you happy." His voice cracked at the end,

"Oh Rick, so many nights, so many wasted nights, let's make the most of the time we have OK?"

"I agree, do you remember our first date, well if you want to call it a date" he laughed,

"Yes, it was at the concert in the park, I think money was tight and you got some lawn seats for us for Bon Jovi. It didn't matter where the seats were at Rick, I never saw or heard anything but you,"

He turned to face her, and she took the lead, repeating the sweet kiss they had shared earlier, in her suite.

Rick smiled when they finally came up for air, said "well with that kind of payment I will get the lady tickets to anywhere she wants"

"It wasn't payment Rick, it was just because, do you remember the first time I said that?"

"Yeah I do," his look is far away into the sky as he speaks, "I think it was right after we had made it official that we weren't seeing anyone else, you kissed me, I asked what was that for and you replied, 'just because I can, anyplace, anytime" he looked back at her, and her eyes were still locked on him.

She didn't reply, she just kissed him once again, the same sweet kiss of love, not the I'm going to screw your brains out type, but raw, innocent and sweet love

He smiled, and said "Just because you can"

"Can I Rick, I mean are you serious, can I really?"

He took her hand, and said gently, "Yes, but Kay, I'm still working on things, so please be patient with me. There's nothing sweeter than your kiss, and I love that all of the bad memories are being replaced with those we are making, I just, eh"

"It's OK Rick, you can say it, you loved me and I left you and broke your heart, you love Kate and she's just about destroyed your belief in love, the one thing you held on to throughout all our days when so many things were against us. No matter how tough things got, I knew it was going to be OK, all I had to do was make it till it was time to see you, and your love made it all OK."

Rick blushed, for only one of the few times in his life, Kyra had made him blush. "I never thought of myself as a superhero, God knows I had problems of my own, low self-esteem, thinking most nights you would drop me because I wasn't good enough for you."

"You never knew you were my hero? I'm so sorry I failed to show you just how important you were in my life Rick, I guess looking back Mother started putting her fingers into our business just when we were getting our love off the ground. I'm sorry, so sorry I didn't have the courage to tell her to walk away,"

"Hey, it's OK, I understand now. Knowing the reasons doesn't make the pain go away, or the memories less painful, it does let me know that I didn't fail and that you loved me, even as you were leaving. You were pulled trying to compensate to your parents for the loss of your Sister, never allowing yourself to live for you, well not then."

They had been walking arm in arm, with the occasional stop for a kiss, or to dry her tears, when she looked up as Rick stopped in front of a building, and waited.

"What's this Rick, I don't remember us ever having a spot here, where are we?"

"It's my building, I have the top floor as the Loft suite, would you like to come up, I mean, eh, I promise no funny business"

She looked at him sweetly, "Well yes I would love to see it, Rick, but,"

"But, is there a question in there?"

"Yes, what if I want Monkey Business Rick, I'll leave that to you, but, I'm ready, whenever you are Love"

Rick's heart fluttered, she called him Love, he had forgotten what one pet name could do to him, as he took her hand and led her into the front entrance. He had no idea where this was going, right now he was with someone who loved him, someone who made him feel like he was ten feet tall even with his faults. God, he hoped he would figure this out, and soon.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

"_**It's OK Rick, you can say it, you loved me and I left you and broke your heart, you love Kate and she's just about destroyed your belief in love, the one thing you held on to throughout all our days when so many things were against us. No matter how tough things got, I knew it was going to be OK, all I had to do was make it till it was time to see you, and your love made it all OK."**_

_**Rick blushed, for only one of the few times in his life, Kyra had made him blush. "I never thought of myself as a superhero, God knows I had problems of my own, low self-esteem, thinking most nights you would drop me because I wasn't good enough for you."**_

"_**You never knew you were my hero? I'm so sorry I failed to show you just how important you were in my life Rick, I guess looking back Mother started putting her fingers into our business just when we were getting our love off the ground. I'm sorry, so sorry I didn't have the courage to tell her to walk away,"**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 7**

**Castle's Loft**

**11:45 PM Thursday**

Rick walked through the door, his hand gently guiding Kyra from the small of her back.

"Good Evening Mr. Castle, Miss, shall we keep the same arrangements, Mr. C?

"Good evening Eduardo, yes, please do, as far as anyone knows the loft is empty and I am out of town on a project. Please continue to place the mail as directed, but Eduardo, place a do not disturb notice to your staff until I clear it please."

"Yes Sir, have a great evening."

Rick gently guided Kyra to the elevator, punched in a code and dropped his hand into a waiting smaller one from Kyra, they were silent but locked on one another the entire ride. Once the elevator stopped, the chime reminded them both that they were at their location, and they exited the elevator still holding hands.

As they reached the door, Rick hit his key fob and then opened the door for Kyra. He turned the lights on, then closed the door and set the security locks, then turned back to Kyra who was still standing with her mouth open in shock.

"Oh my God Rick, this is your loft? It's a far cry from that tiny little apartment we looked at, when ** "she suddenly stopped remembering the day that Rick had excitedly taken her hand and walked the three blocks to a small studio suite he wanted them to share.

"Hey, it's OK, the place was a dump anyway and really it was a dumb idea, I just wanted to be with you every minute of the day. I'm glad you said no, we would have probably hated each other after spending all that time in 450 square feet, no place to go, or money to get there if we did have one."

"Do you really mean that I mean that you're glad because I'll tell you I cried for a month after I said no, and do you remember the reason, Rick?"

"You told me that you couldn't see me sacrifice for space when we could spend time together without paying for a place, we had plenty of time, I think you said."

"Yeah, well you were the one that said it was $700 per month when I checked it was $1500 and you had agreed to be the super for the building to supplement the rent, no way was I going to let you leave your writing time, it was the time I always felt the closest to you, even in silence."

"How did you find out about that? I mean I made him promise, Mr. Shacklehouse, I never forgot his name because his wife was the one that bossed that poor man so badly" he laughed,

"Well, Mrs. Shacklehouse called me and asked me if I knew I was committing a sin, living with a man before I was married, I mean what would Jesus say? She asked me directly"

"Well, what did you say?"

"I told her that Jesus would tell her to cut the rent in half, my boyfriend was going to be a famous author and needed time to write, not work on clogged drains in someone's overpriced apartments."

Rick laughed, then Kyra joined in, it was the first big laugh either had in such a long while, tears were rolling out of their eyes, and Kyra had the cutest snort trying to catch her breath, it started all over again.

When they finally regained their composure, Rick led her by the hand to the sofa, and gently guided her down next to him. "Can I get you anything to drink, I'm going for a beer"

"Water Rick, I don't trust myself with alcohol you know what it and you do to me when they are mixed" she blushed,

Rick brought her the water as her eyes roamed the room. "Come on, I'll give you the tour, as he proceeded through the open doors to his office, she noticed the books, but she also noticed a wall hanging, it was abstract, but she would know it anywhere, it was RC heart emoji KB written in elongated script where you really had to look close to make out their initials and the heat sign.

There was a small picture, just barely visible to anyone who wasn't sitting behind the desk, it was of her and him after she had just kissed his cheek and the camera caught them both in a huge smile, he had it in a beautiful frame made of teak wood, as a reminder of when they went to Southeast Asia celebrating his first best-seller while they both were in college. If you didn't look carefully you would only focus on the frame, it was so beautiful.

She stopped picked the picture up, walked to the wall hanging, "You never got rid of these, why Rick, why would you put them where you looked at them every day, especially after how I, "she burst out in tears,

"Hey, I never said I tried to forget you, or us, just the hurt. I look at these every day and I remember that at one time in my life I had it all, love, wealth, and happiness, and now I had to try to find it once again.

When I was with you, nothing, and I mean nothing would ever make me feel as you did. When we took that tour of Southeast Asia, it was 10 days of heaven for me, it may be the closest I'll ever get but for that time, nothing else mattered." Tears pooled in his eyes as he held her gently, her head against his heart listening to the rhythmic beating of a heart that once beat only for her.

They remained holding on to each other till she took his hand and led him into his bedroom, "Rick, if it's too early or if things have changed for you, I'll understand. Just know love, I remember our first and every time we made love, you always made me feel like a queen. I'm hoping you still feel the same way"

Her answer was received, over and over, they both lay holding each other, as they finally fell asleep, for the first time in Rick couldn't remember, he felt loved, truly loved. Kyra couldn't believe just how much Rick had worshiped her body, it was better than anything she remembered, and she only hoped it was the start of her second chance.

Xx

**Beckett's Apartment**

**6:15 PM Same Day Thursday**

Kate had made it through the remainder of the day, even tuning Gates out as she went on and on, blah, blah, about closure rates, and budgets and topics the real cops could care less about. She had asked for the Captain's job, let her do it, and stay out of the real cops' way. The entire precinct was fed up with her, evidenced by two more early retirements, one patrolman, one detective from another squad. To date Gates had lost 11 cops, or roughly 33% of her directs, it didn't look good for the Iron Gates.

She got out of work, just as soon as the rant was over, and as had become her custom, she walked by the swings, the book store still had the Lifesize Rick, it was as close as she had gotten to him since that day he walked away, God almost a week now. She spent time just looking into the cutout's eyes, or picture of Rick's eyes, wishing so badly she could see them in person again.

She sat in the swing, and looked over at the empty one next to her, the one he should have filled last week, the one she would do anything for another opportunity for that first meeting back with him.

She wasn't hungry, but she knew she had to eat something, so she stopped by the little bodega just a block from her apartment to pick up a prepared meal and bottle of wine. Hell, if the meal wasn't tasty at least she had alcohol. She still hadn't gotten into the habit of shopping for food, no matter how many times Rick, (what the hell, when did he become Rick instead of Castle), implored her to do so.

She was a mixed bag of emotions, her talk and the abrupt goodbye from Lanie was still hurting. God, Kyra had lost her mother, and Rick had made arrangements to transport her to the funeral home. He had made no secret of why they had broken up, many years ago, her mother didn't think he was enough for her daughter.

One more big, make that huge putdown in his life already filled with those. Even worse it eroded the faith Kyra had him, or in his mind, she had chosen to obey her mother and leave him after three years of a relationship that from what he had accounted for was pure bliss. She recalled once a far away look in his eye when he said she was the one that got away. She knew him well enough to know that he still had feelings for this woman, even though time had changed the landscape of the city and others, he held fast to something she had.

She pulled out her writing materials, and placed a CD in her personal player, she was in the mood for something sad, really sad so she pressed _play and heard 'Reba's __**Does he love you, like he loves me,**__ with her reply from Linda Davis, echoing the same verse._ It was almost appropriate, without being married, they both knew about the other, but somehow, she knew that she was losing the fight to win him for herself.

She chided herself and forced her attention back to her writing of the journals. Since Lanie was on her mind, the friend she had most recently pissed off and hurt, she decided to start her letter first. She needed to apologize for the lack of contact during her stay at the cabin, she realized now that it truly was a selfish act. She may have been the one with the bullet wound, but every one of her friends went through her agony with her.

Lanie had been the sister she didn't have, and since Maddie and she had gone their separate ways was the only friend, was that right, yes, the only woman friend she could recall. The words, **"Just remember just like Rick, all of your friends have a shelf life and a tolerance of just how much they will take before the friendship is no longer worth the effort". **She wrote three full pages, not in her typical fashion of making excuses, but this time accepting blame for her shortcomings and promised to work hard on being a better friend.

She was on a roll, so she decided to proceed to the boys, she had really been a bitch to them. Some of the comments about her case going cold were more than hurtful, it looked like Ryan had been brought to tears. She found by writing, accepting responsibility, it was truly making her feel better, not the cut and paste I'm sorry that no one would believe now anyway.

She had taken a break, Reba's CD had completed, so she turned the TV on more for noise than anything else. She didn't even pay attention to the channel until she heard them mention Castle, then saw the pictures of him and Kyra walking, it looked like it was close to Times Square. She turned the volume up,

"TMZ has learned exclusively that the lady pictured in these photos with Mr. Castle is his college sweetheart, some even say they were engaged or pre-engaged before Ms. Kyra Blaine left for Paris, eventually settling in London. Ms. Blaine is back in New York to handle the final proceedings of her mother, Mrs. Shelia Blaine who died earlier this week. Services will be held from Fortuna Funeral Home, where visitation will be held for family and friends, tomorrow evening, burial Saturday morning.

"Mr. Castle has been by her side since Ms. Blaine has returned, offering support and comfort, perhaps more, since Ms. Blaine did spend last evening with Mr. Castle at his residence. When we asked, we received "No Comment, the important task now is supporting Kyra during her time of loss," he also called on his fans to say a prayer for the family as well.

"It's too early to tell, but as the old saying goes where there's smoke there's usually fire, well there has been a lot of smoke, and looks of love between the two. As Mr. Castle requested, we are refraining from making projections from observations during a very difficult time, but we will be watching as this story moves forward. Back to you at the studio"

Kate grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, but the damage had been done. The images of them walking, stopping and smiling as they gazed into each other's eyes, whispering into each other's ear, the slide show played in the background as the reporter spoke, were now in her memory, something she couldn't erase, tears battled their way out of the corner of her eyes.

She had three letters completed, and now, wondered should she even bother with the one for Rick, did he even care if she lived or died. His first love was back, what more did she have to see to confirm she had waited and lied over and over and now he had moved on. She remembered Doctor Burke's instructions, EVERYONE, so like it or not, she had to suck it up and write her journal entry to Rick as well.

This was going to require strength, and she had to be sure it stayed positive, Doctor Burke wouldn't accept anything less and he could still rescind his permission to return to work. She had to be careful and think logically. She took another glass of wine and returned to her perch on her couch, forgoing the sad music, she didn't need it now.

She had just written the beginning line, Dear Rick when her cellphone rang, God she hoped it wasn't dispatch with another body, she was second on call tonight, after Roz.

"Beckett" she barked

"Kate, how are you? This is Josh, Look I just saw TMZ and I know how you feel about your writer so I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Sorry for the way I treated you, and for the hurt I know you're feeling, no matter how many times you deny it."

"Josh, are you calling to say I told you so?" she said unkindly,

"No Kate, look I know I hurt you as well, but I hurt your pride more than your heart, you never were in love with me, you tried, I give you that, you really did try. If I had tried harder back then, who knows, but no, I'm not calling to gloat, I just wanted to let you know you still have a friend if you need one."

"Well thank you, how have you been, I haven't heard a word about you since, well since they fired you at the hospital when the boys sent the tapes to the administration. Javi wanted to arrest you so bad, I guess he settled for getting you canned."

"I've been good, I'm actually working in Miami, the weather is much better, and it's a lot closer to the Doctor without Border assignments. I knew someone there had said something since one day I was headed for chief of cardiac surgery, the next day I'm suspended by the Medical Board, and fired by Mercy Hospital.

"I'm at Miami General now, and I've settled down, in fact, we're getting married in a year, so hang in there Kate. I really did just want to call to make sure you're OK. You should lean on your friends now, I'm sure the hurt will pass."

He sounded sincere, so Kate eased up

"Look Josh, I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have brought you into a relationship I knew I was using to hide from my real love, if I hurt you, I apologize as well. I'm glad you settled down, and Josh, if you're really serious about your relationship, stay on the straight and narrow way, cheating is something few women ever recover from or forgive,"

"I know Kate, Kelly is getting over her version of me, and it took a while before I could make her see I really did change, I won't screw it up, and by the way, she's sitting here listening so there are no secrets between us."

Kate smiled, "Good, I'm glad, and Josh, thanks for the call, it helped me remember that I have friends and I don't have to face this alone. The very best of luck to you and Kelly, I hope you have a long and happy life together"

"Well, Kate, this is Kelly, we'd like to invite you to the wedding, if you hadn't straightened him out, who knows, I know it's a long way off, and a long-distance but just know you would be a welcome guest."

"Thanks, Kelly, that's very sweet, I'll see, and Good Luck. Thanks for calling Josh, Goodbye"

Kate sat there, what the hell just happened, everybody was finding their soulmates except her, it was no one's fault but her own. As considerate as it was for Josh to call, it just reminded her more of the lies, innuendo, and barbs she threw at Castle during that time. She made a mental note to be sure to apologize for each one, there was no way she could forget. Now she couldn't relive it, she needed to walk away and get lost in one of his books, her escape since her Mon's death, this is one realm she could always have him near her.

TBC

A/N Timeline has been adjusted to allow Josh to find and convince a new love, also to keep him from being the total jerk I made him out to be earlier, Thanks


	8. Chapter 8

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

_**There was a small picture, just barely visible to anyone who wasn't sitting behind the desk, it was of her and him as she had just kissed his cheek and the camera caught them both in a huge smile, he had it in a beautiful frame made of teak wood, as a reminder of when they went to Southeast Asia celebrating his first best-seller while they both were in college. If you didn't look carefully you would only focus on the frame, it was so beautiful.**_

_**She stopped picked the picture up, walked to the wall hanging, "You never got rid of these, why Rick, why would you put them where you looked at them every day, especially after how I, "she burst out in tears,**_

"_**Hey, I never said I tried to forget you, or us, just the hurt. I look at these every day and I remember that at one time in my life I had it all, love, wealth, and happiness, and now I have to try to find it once again. **_

"_**When I was with you, nothing, and I mean nothing would ever make me feel as you did. When we took that tour of Southeast Asia, it was 10 days of heaven for me, it may be the closest I'll ever get but for that time, nothing else mattered." Tears pooled in his eyes as he held her gently, her head against his heart listening to the rhythmic beating of a heart that once beat only for her.**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 8**

**Castle's Loft**

**4:45 AM Friday**

Rick opened his eyes, at first disorientated, something or someone was in bed with him, God it had been forever since he woke to find a bed partner. He slowly turned to find two beautiful brown eyes staring into his,

"Good Morning Rick, I hope you're not sorry about last night, and before you ask Hell No, I'm not, I loved every minute of it." She leaned in and kissed him,

He kissed her back but then realized morning breath, he held his hand over his mouth, but Kyra kissed him again, this time, with tongue and she passed a mint but never broke the kiss until lack of air forced her to do so.

"Were you still worried about morning breath, you used to sneak out of bed, brush your teeth then climb back into bed before you would kiss me," she laughed, as she rolled on top of him.

"Who's the one remembering everything now?" he smiled, inwardly pleased that he wasn't the only one that could recite from memory almost every minute they were together.

"Love, I know what you're doing, and I really think it's sweet to give me some joy before tonight and the worst part tomorrow, but I felt something from the old days, especially in the last session, just the way you held me, like your precious china doll you used to say. 'I never want to see a crack in my beautiful dolls face.' You were always so considerate of my feelings, and I took that for granted, I'm sorry for that, as well as not fighting as hard for us as you did."

"Kay, we were both wrong, let's just leave it at that, there's plenty of guilt, hurt, and anger to go around, and in your mother's defense, she really was fighting for the best for you. I understand that now, then I had no clue, but you and I both have seen so many young loves end up in tragedy or worse, hating each other. I never wanted that with you, and I think I would take the hurt over the hate any day."

"Rick, what about you, I know you haven't just turned your feelings off for Kate, I know you far too well to know that one, well three episodes in bed won't make the last 16 years of our lives just fade away, and all would be forgiven. We were best friends, remember, you used to tell me everything, even before we made love for the first time. Do you remember where and when?"

"It's funny you mention that I was thinking about my friends in life and sadly I think I have had two, Damian, and you. Damian is in prison, and then well"

"I broke your heart and cost us our happily ever after, Rick, don't tread lightly, I have to hear it from you before I know you could even start to forgive me."

"Well I think you asked me when and where did we truly consummate our relationship, it was after a study group our first year, we went to get pizza. Then we stopped by to see Mother, who had neglected to tell me she was in Europe on vacation with her latest victim. I remember looking into your eyes and a kiss I could never forget; I don't remember much after that except the pure heaven that comes every time, I make love to you. I've never felt that loved before or since."

"You remembered? Even after all these years and all the hurt, you remembered? Love, I have to tell you I was scared stiff, I had only been with one other man, well boy, and the experience was not so good. Something that night made me want you so badly, I risked it all and started the action, I knew you were too much of a gentleman, but after the first, maybe it was the second time I knew what making love was compared to having sex. You worshiped my body and I tried to reciprocate, I'm sure I got the better end of the deal, but I fell in love with you every time we made and make love, I still do."

"Kyra you were married for six years, Gregg had to have some spark to keep you interested and faithful all that time."

"Faithful yes, but that was a product of my religion, not my marriage, as for interesting, I think Gregg was as inexperienced as I was, so let's just say it was more mechanical than amorous, and as long as one of us was satisfied, we were good for the month or so. I still don't know or can get him to answer WHY he cheated, not once, but twice in long term relationships. It almost destroyed me, I had done everything, at least I thought I did to please him, guess I didn't and couldn't find out where I failed."

"You didn't fail Kay, Gregg cheated because he thought he could get away with it, some guys are just like that."

"I never asked you Rick, where you ever tempted when we were together, I mean it's silly it's so long ago, but I never gave it a second thought back then, I knew you were true to me."

"Tempted? No. Did I check out the wares of other pretty women, hell yes, I am a man. The difference is when I commit to someone, it's total, mind, body, and soul, a casual look at an attractive member of the opposite sex just proves you're alive. When you take it further than a glance, well that's when problems arise."

"I know, sometimes when I see an attractive male, I find myself comparing him to, well someone special and I always wind up with the same conclusion, pretty packaging doesn't hide a pretty heart or soul so I'm just glad for that special guy for me.

"Too bad Gregg didn't feel the same way, I could have possibly understood it more if she was pretty, hell she was older, she was bigger breasted, but they were already starting to sag, and well it was just embarrassing to lose your husband to another woman who, it doesn't matter, it's for the best" she finally got out before the tears fell.

"Hey, look at me, I know the pain of infidelity, I understand. Let me let you in on a little secret, most guys are dogs, they will screw anything that stands still long enough, never thinking about the difference between having sex and making love. Maybe I read too many books, but once you make love to a woman you care about, well there's no higher feeling so no thanks for me."

"You're special you know that Love, I knew it in school, all my girlfriends wanted dibs on you if we broke up, they could see it too, but I let someone come between us. I still can't tell you how sorry I am, I know Mother was as well once she understood the feelings, we had for each other.

"She never could understand being in love, well after Karen passed, her and Daddy just existed in the same house. I think if I had been older or if they had no other kids, they would have ended it then. It was almost like a light switch was flipped off, our lives went from bright and sunny to dark and depressed, of course, they kept me out of the loop on everything."

"Sometimes we screw up as a parent Kay, it doesn't mean that we love our kids any less if anything it means we love them more. I know I have messed up with Alexis, and I'm lucky she was the adult one in our relationship many times. She saw what her mother did, and made a vow to never have that part of her in her life.

"She loves Meredith, but she doesn't like her she once said. I know, I had the same look on my face till she explained, she loved her because she was her mother, carried her, gave her life and still makes an occasional appearance in her life.

"She doesn't like her because she puts herself first before her, me, anyone in the world, Meredith comes first, and Alexis has seen enough to know when you love your family you make sacrifices for their happiness, not yours."

"I know that is coming from life experience Rick, what did you give up that Alexis was referring to, and don't give me that I have no idea, remember I know you too well"

Rick looked down at Kyra, still locked on his eyes, still beautiful laying there beside him in bed, and he allowed himself to be vulnerable once again, for only a handful of times in his life.

"I'm not sure you remember but the author that got me interested in writing wa*"

"Sir Ian Fleming, creator of the James Bond series, oh Rick, please don't tell me you passed on writing you childhood dream? I know you love your Daughter but that would have been a one in a million chance of a lifetime come true"

"First, I'm amazed that you remembered the Bond series, and well, the timing wasn't right for Alexis or me, I mean it was a tough decision but I think it was the best one, even now looking back on that time."

"Rick, remember, it's me, you mean it wasn't the right time for you and Kate, you must really love her dearly to forego that dream for just what a chance to be with her?"

"I forget, I never could pull anything over on you, yes, it wasn't the right time for Kate and me, she had given signs that we could be more than partners at work, then as we began to get closer, she shifted to a Robbery Detective, a pretty boy I might add, and really blew my mind."

"I'm sorry Rick, I really am, I know how deeply you love and hurt. I have to live with what I have done, I just hope Kate realizes someday what she had and is still doing, to you"

"Hey, water over the damn, I really don't think that relationship, if you could call following her around all day long at a police precinct and taking the insults that came from her partners and new beau, a relationship has anything left to salvage. To be honest with you Kyra, I had spoken to her for all of 5 minutes in the last 4 plus months, just before you called me, she had disappeared for three months after promising to call me, well it's a long sad story, we had enough of those for today" as he picked her up, placed her on top of him, and reached for the two remaining breath mints.

"Let me help you, love, you're doing it the wrong way", as she took the two mints into her mouth, then kissed him deeply and deposited one of the mints on his tongue after a small battle.

They enjoyed each other, the mints melting onto their tongues, the heat rose from their bodies, and once again it was like old times, only better. They both knew they would face some tough times later today and especially tomorrow, but for now, at this moment, they had turned the clock back to when everything was new and vibrant, and the colors of the rainbow were present as he took her to new heights, not once but three times before allowing himself to climax.

They lay together, side to side, trading small kisses, and never moving their eyes from the others. Tonight, they would deal with life, for now, they were lost in love and memories.

Xx

**Beckett's Apartment**

**6:15 AM Friday**

Kate had been awake for hours, just laying in bed hoping for the freak possibility that her body would cooperate and return to sleep. The sleep she had gotten was fraught with dreams and visions of Rick and Kyra, then his face looking at her on the ground as he told her he loved her, and the destroyed look when she had sent him away from the hospital with that lie.

She finally gave up and rolled out of bed at 6:30 AM on her day off, what the hell, even when she was off, she couldn't sleep. Now what to do for the long day ahead, she had written and sent letters to Lanie and the boys, but had held back from re-starting Rick's after the unexpected call from Josh.

Jesus, even dirtbags like him were reforming and finding their true love, was it too much to ask that she be granted love from a man, well not just any man, but that man she had driven off. She tried to argue the validity of why she was justified, until she realized who she was using as her benchmark, Josh, all the cheating and lying he did, yet still he had found love. What was with his fiancée inviting her to the wedding, like that was ever going to happen she thought.

She decided to go for a run, perhaps listening to the broken-hearted songs on her playlist would give her some solace as she ran. She grabbed her gun and phone, place them in strategic locations and headed out the door. She ran in the direction of Rick's loft, usually, she took the opposite route but somehow today she needed to feel some sort of his presence, even as silly as that thought was.

She ran past the loft, and his bedroom light was on, perhaps he was writing. Yeah, Kate, keep telling yourself that maybe you'll start believing your own lies, she thought, as a sense of disgust came over her. She knew that he was with Kyra, she knew why, which was the part that hurt and disgusted her. She had his love on the tips of her fingers, and threw it away by lies and letting him believe she had spent rehab time with Josh.

It probably wouldn't matter now, but she thought back to the bookstore and replayed the conversation in her head. Why the hell didn't she tell him the truth? He had never pressed her for anything else but that and she compounded the hurt he had already endured by NOT clearing up the timeline of her actions.

Saying 'we broke up' didn't send a resounding message of hope or clarification to Rick who as he always said, went to the worst-case scenario. She allowed him to continue to think she was alone with her Doctor/Boyfriend in a secluded cabin. What the hell Kate, why not just stab him in the heart and get it over with.

She ran past the loft, crying silently to the song she was hearing through her earbuds, "How am I Supposed to Live Without You" Michael Bolton was almost crying as he sang himself, and the saddest part of all, no one was to blame but herself. She listened to the words, perhaps for the first time since she fell in love with the song, and it seemed as if there was a message from Rick to her;

I'm too proud for cryin'  
Didn't come here to break down  
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end  
And how can I blame you  
When I build my world around  
The hope that one day  
We'd be so much more than friends  
I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming  
Oh, even now it's more than I can take

She knew for a long time he had feelings for her, and if she were being honest, Josh was a payback for him leaving for the summer with Gina, even though she was his first choice. He had hinted at being more than a friend, but always settled for what morsel she would give him until now. He was over her, or if not was doing a damn good job of fooling her. She didn't blame him; she knew in her heart she wouldn't have put up with nearly the crap she had thrown at him if the situations were reversed.

The music played on, and she continued to run, finding herself outside the book store once again, and once again, looking longingly at the cardboard cutout in the window, (how fitting, the song Said I Love You but I Lied just began playing,) knowing he could have been hers, all hers if she hadn't lied. She walked across the street to the little park, and to the swings, the site she had hoped to convince him to forgive her.

Well, in reality, she had hoped they could pick things back up and he would continue to give her the time and space she needed, even though it had been three years already. She sat in the swing, her hand on the support chain of the swing he should be in, as she pushed it gently, and cried softly.

With each arc the swing made, it returned but it was almost like it took Rick farther and farther away from her. She was so engrossed in her thoughts; she never heard the guest sit down two swings down facing the opposite direction.

"Kate, I'm sorry to interrupt your thoughts, but I thought we needed to talk, I'm Kyra Blaine." The voice from the swing said,

Kate startled and came back to her senses, "How did you know who I was or where I would be?"

"Rick told me about the swings, it's your place just like we had ours in the old days"

"What do you think we need to talk about Kyra, I mean I've tried to talk to him and I keep getting shut down, I know he's angry and he has a right to be, but I thought I meant more to him than just a brief dismissal from a book signing."

"Kate, what I say is between us, if you let anyone know we talked, I will deny it, and right now Rick doesn't believe a word you say, is that clear?"

"What, I mean, eh, Yes, it's clear, what do we need to talk about."

"Rick" was all she said,

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

"_**Kate, I'm sorry to interrupt your thoughts, but I thought we needed to talk, I'm Kyra Blaine." The voice from the swing said,**_

_**Kate startled and came back to her senses, "How did you know who I was or where I would be?"**_

"_**Rick told me about the swings, it's your place just like we had ours in the old days"**_

"_**What do you think we need to talk about Kyra, I mean I've tried to talk to him and I keep getting shut down, I know he's angry and he has a right to be, but I thought I meant more to him than just a brief dismissal from a book signing."**_

"_**Kate, what I say is between us, if you let anyone know we talked, I will deny it, and right now Rick doesn't believe a word you say, is that clear?"**_

"_**What, I mean, eh, Yes, it's clear, what do we need to talk about."**_

"_**Rick" was all she said, **_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 9**

**The Swings 7:55 AM Friday**

"Kyra, I know about you and Rick, so I'll ask again since he is with you now, why do we need to talk? It's obvious he's made his choice and if you are here to rub it in, I have already beat myself up enough."

"I'm not here to rub it in Kate, quite the opposite. I love him and allowed my mother to destroy the relationship I'm sure that would have been as you call it, your one and done. I wasn't brave enough to stand up to her, so I suffered the consequences, one of them being Rick meeting and falling in love as deep or deeper than he ever loved me, that would be with you, Detective.

"In case you haven't figured it out yet, Rick was my first love, and I his, we will ALWAYS own a portion of each other's hearts. It's a portion that we could never give back, or give our hearts one hundred percent to someone new, that part stayed with us, regardless.

"**You** now own the rest of his heart Kate, and as deeply as you have hurt him, he still loves you. For how much longer, time can only tell, since I have no intention of handing him to you on a silver platter. That's what I wanted to talk to you about, I love him enough to give him up and walk away forever if he chooses you, do you feel the same?

"Think about it carefully, this would mean for perhaps the first time in your life putting someone other than yourself first, I know it took me till now to do it, so it's not a criticism, just stating facts. If you aren't prepared for that, then just step aside now, give him time to heal, and leave the rest to me. Yes, I love him with all of my heart, and the biggest mistake of my life was allowing Mother to talk me into leaving, a decision I have regretted every day since.

"I see you are pushing an empty swing, probably thinking in your mind **_'What If'_**. Well I have my own form of swing and I wondered what if for years. You probably know that Rick is with me as I make and attend the final arrangements for my Mother, so you have until Sunday to stake your claim. BUT I warn you, don't ever think you can treat him the way you have in the past, he won't tolerate it, nor will I stand by and allow it.

"You have almost broken the most loving, giving man I have ever know by your selfishness, lies, and high school ego, really Kate, parading another cop in front of him to make him jealous? You really don't know him at all if you thought that would work."

Kate is shocked, first that Kyra would seek her out, then at how frankly and how assertive she was in her language.

"Kyra, I've tried to talk to him, he won't give me the time of day. I went to his book signing, I tried to call, his number was changed, so how do you propose I tell him how sorry I am?"

"You're a smart cop, is phone and personnel interviews all you conduct in your investigations? You ever think of writing down on paper your thoughts, and I'll warn you if you start with, 'it's not my fault' or 'what I did wasn't really that bad' be prepared to have the letter trashed. Own what you did, don't try to excuse your behavior, because there is no excuse.

"I may have broken his heart, but I never made him feel less of a man than a Robbery Detective, or a Heart Surgeon, to me _**HE**_ was my hero, he still is. You need to sit down and tell him from your heart what you did, why you did it, and ask for forgiveness if it's not too late already. One thing is for sure, sitting on your ass in a swing, wishing and hoping won't get him back, so what's it going to be Kate, it's your choice.

"I have to go prepare to say my final farewell to my Mom, I know you're all too familiar with that pain, but afterward, I'll be here for Rick, if he needs me or wants me. Your job is to try to win him back if you care to put in the work, but know this, I love him with all of my heart, and I won't make it easy for him to choose you,"

"WHY are you doing this Kyra, why don't you do all you can to sabotage any hope I have of ever even regaining his friendship?"

"Rick told me you were cold, but I never thought you could be this cold. **WHY?** Why do you think? Let me explain it to you, I would rather see him happy with you than keep him to myself knowing his heart is still with you. It's not about you Kate, it's not about me. It's about putting the man we both love first, and both be willing to accept his decision because it will make someone, we love happy.

"I have to get back to him now, he's actually delivering my Mother's eulogy, even though she cost him the love of his life, he has forgiven her and wanted me to do so also. You see Kate, his heart has no bounds for those he cares about, I thought you would have at least seen it, if not experienced it at least once by now. I'm serious Kate if you miss Sunday's deadline this talk never took place and I will do all I can to make him forget he ever knew you, Goodbye"

Kate sat there in disbelief for a few moments, shocked first that Kyra would seek her out, secondly that she knew so many intimate or personal details about her and Rick's time together, well working together anyway, and perhaps more than anything about her challenge to step aside, for his happiness. He had said that she was the one that got away, perhaps she was that and more.

Xx

Kyra returned to the loft, used the key fob Rick had made for her and entered the loft quietly so as not to disturb Rick if he was working.

He startled her when from the couch came his voice, "Did you have a nice walk?"

She jumped in fright, then smiled and headed his direction, kissed him sweetly, and replied,

"It was OK, I got lonely though"

"Really, when did that happen Kay?" using her pet name from when they were together was absolutely driving her crazy with love for this man

"As soon as you let go of my hand, I'm sorry, too cheesy?"

"Not on my account, I missed you too, so did you go anywhere interesting, or talk to anyone?"

"Rick, why all the questions, do you have suspicions about my actions this morning? I left to clear my head, and to give you some time to think about Mother's eulogy, I know that it won't be easy to write that, you're a mystery writer, not books of magic." She drew a small chuckle out of him with that.

"I know, I know, but I also know that you saw Kate jogging past our window this morning so where did you catch up with her at, the swings?" the look on her face gave her away, but she knew better than to lie to Rick, it was the one thing he hated more than anything.

"How did you know Love? You don't have a wire on me, do you?" she tried to smile,

"No, but I know you, willing to give up everything to ensure I am happy and making the right decision, but Kay, trust me when I say this, I am thinking clearly. You hurt me once, granted it brought me to my knees and I had doubts that I would ever want to live again, but you didn't do it out of malice or for no reason. You were trying to please someone you felt you owed allegiance to, big difference in you and Kate."

"Rick, I will never be able to express how much I loved you then, and I still love you now, but I hurt you so badly, I'm not sure I could forgive you if you had done that to me, I mean, " she watched his eyes and his facial expressions knowing full well she would forgive him for anything, and finally,

"OK damn it, you still know me, better than I know myself. Yes, I would forgive you, I would take any parcel of time you would give me, and if your character hadn't been so damn honorable, I would have been the one having an affair with you rather than Gregg cheating on me.

"I'm sorry Rick, I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy, I hope that it's with me, but Love, I know just how deeply you loved Kate, it's OK, you can say it. You're not trying to hurt me, but I want you to choose the woman you love, the woman YOU want to be with, not out of guilt, habit, or convenience, but the one who completes you, today, tomorrow and for all the years to come." The tears now fell gently from her eyes,

Rick reached over and pulled her into him, just as he always had, tilted her head back and kissed each eye, in effect kissing her tears away.

"No need for any of those., I know what you did was out of love, but Kyra, even as patient as I am, sometimes there comes a time to say enough, and walk away. You being here makes that easier I will admit, but if that's what I do, it WILL be my choice.

"I know now you were as much a victim of our breakup as I, with Kate, who knows why she did some of the things she did. The bottom line was she did and said cruel things, without any sign of remorse, so let's just enjoy the rest of the day. I still have to complete the eulogy and I'm sure there are things you need to do as well, OK?" He kissed her deeper, like old times, and she forgot the years that had flown by, she was right back on campus, their secret roof, stealing away for an afternoon of young love.

Xx

The afternoon sped away from them, both lost in a sea of memories, and physical euphoria, they had to shower three times before they completed the task without requiring another one, finally able to get dressed to travel to the funeral home arriving at 6:30 PM for a half-hour of private time, before public viewing began at 7:00 PM.

"Kay, if this gets too much for you, or you feel overwhelmed, just pull my hand and we'll get out of here and let my PR people handle the rest, OK? I know she's your Mom, but I don't want you to feel anything but proud of the way you lived your life, for her, your Dad and your sister, they are all proud of you."

She tiptoed up and kissed Rick on the cheek, "Mom cared more about you than she let on, she knew you were genuine, and would do anything to please me, Thanks Rick, I'm not saying this because of where we are but I never stopped loving you, I probably never will. Mom finally understood that, so thanks for everything you are doing."

Their eyes had not left the others for a moment, "You know I love you, Kyra, you were my first true love, and as you said, I never stopped loving you either, even through two marriages, it was you, always you."

"I know, I always knew, even when we were with others you owned that part of my heart, and being honest, it was bigger than it should have been for a woman married to another man, but I can't and I won't apologize for it."

She saw it, finally, the smile, her smile, it wasn't like the one he used for others, not even Kate, it was something he had started goofing around under a tree on campus that led to her dorm room. She had threatened the life of her roommate if she had opened the door, it was truly an afternoon filled with love.

She pulled his head down gently and kissed him then whispered so only he heard, "I saw our smile for the first time, and Rick please believe, I never, ever stopped loving you. It may sound terrible, and God forgive me, but I couldn't, no make that wouldn't give that part of heaven you gave to me back"

He smiled and just held his arm out to her, "Remember Kay, anytime you feel uncomfortable just tug on my arm and I'll get you out of there, OK?"

"Yeah, I remember, but something tells me now that Mom has made her deeds known to you, and God knows how, but you have forgiven her, I'll be fine. I knew this day was coming, so at least she's not going to her rest hated by us, I'm grateful for that, more than I can ever say."

The next 90 minutes were filled with a stream of people from various charitable organizations coming in to pay their respects, Kyra stood tall, Rick never left her side, and shook hands with each one who came. There were still over 50 people milling about with 5 minutes left in the visitation time frame when Rick strode to a podium and took the microphone.

"On behalf of the Blaine family, especially her daughter Kyra, we want to thank each one of you who has made the trip to pay your final respects to Sheila. As you know visitation ends at 9:00 PM, approximately five minutes from now, services will be here tomorrow at 11:30 AM, we ask you to travel safely, and once again thank you for your outpouring of support for Kyra and the family. Thanks, and Good Night." And then returned to Kyra's side to shake the hands of the visitors now heading for the exit.

"Thanks Rick, I know Mother's friends would still be here when some of them would be called to their final rewards, they do love to talk"

"You're welcome, how you holding up, I know it was tough on you, I noticed some tears."

"Love, those tears were when Mom's best friend told me she was so happy I found you again, and I should never let you go now, even if I had to attach myself to your side. She had a huge falling out with Mother when she heard of what she did. She was almost a God Mother to me, but Mother and she didn't speak for almost three years over it."

"You ready to go home?" he smiled,

"I'm ready, Love," She smiled, hearing the word home, knowing what exactly was meant by it. Rick had already given her the key fob and security codes, the staff at the Loft knew she was Rick's lady and treated her with the respect they always showed Rick.

The ride home was quiet, she laid her head on Rick's shoulder, cried softly as he comforted her, just pulling her close and planting small kisses to her head. Feeling his strong arm around her gave her all the support she needed, he was her rock, he would never leave her.

They quietly got dressed for bed, there wasn't any pretense where she wanted to be, where she was going to be until Rick told her to leave, was in their bed. She laid her head on his chest, his arm surrounded her, the warmth feeling of comfort covered her as she wept gently until she fell asleep in his arms. Rick looked down, and wondered, what his life would have been had Sheila not intervened. Would he still have Alexis, well a different form of his daughter, would Kyra and him have been able to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of marriage that he had failed twice before in his attempts? Enough he thought, he looked down once again, to see her laying on his chest, this was enough for now.

Xx

The next day came, it was a silent and sad occasion and Rick respected Kyra's feelings, he only insisted she have a cup of tea and slice of toast, before they left to say goodbye to Sheila. If he were honest, there had been an earlier time in his life he couldn't wait for this day, hoping for as much misery as possible. Ironically, the agony he had wished for had fallen upon her, not physical but estrangement from her only child and her best friend, quite a price to pay. He was very glad that he had overcome the hatred, and replaced it with forgiveness, if he hadn't, he didn't know how he would have faked the eulogy this morning.

The hour had arrived and upon the prompt, from the funeral director Rick stepped to the microphone to address a crowd of almost 100 visitors, here to say goodbye. He squeezed Kyra's hand, and felt her brush a brief kiss on his cheek as he stood and approached the podium.

"_Good Morning, and Thank You all for coming this morning as we say goodbye to a Mother, wife, social cause advocate, and wonderful lady. For those in the audience who don't know me, I am Richard Castle, I am a friend of the family, and love Kyra dearly. _

_Many of you know the story about my connection to Sheila Blaine, and are probably shocked to see me standing here delivering her eulogy, well let me tell you, so am I. (brief laughter) I always thought Sheila disapproved of me for her daughter because of a personal flaw she saw in me, I found out years later it was a Mother holding on to her child, after suffering the loss of an adult child, her firstborn. _

_I have a daughter myself, and today I have a deeper understanding of why Sheila did what she did, honestly looking at myself back then I probably would have made my child join the Peace Corp to avoid a relationship with a young man like me. I know now everything she did, every action she took, was to protect her only living child, fulfilling her duties as a mother. _

_Kyra and I were very close, probably too close for Sheila, which is why she arranged for an overseas internship for her, leaving me to stay alone for three years. I never understood why, nor did Sheila tell Kyra until years later, the reasoning behind her actions. She admitted it was a mistake to her daughter, and wrote a poignant letter to me from her death bed, with one request if I could forgive her, deliver this eulogy._

_I had already forgiven Sheila before I was blessed to have Kyra re-enter my life, she didn't know that so she wanted to ensure that she left this world, as I always say, Good with each other, meaning, there is nothing I wanted to say when you were here and now regret. Sheila, I know you are listening, but I have forgiven you, I understand your actions, and if things would have been different, I'm sure I would have been proud to call you Mother, or Mother-in-Law, depending on how angry you were with me at the time. (Again quiet laughter)_

_Many of us take forgiveness for granted. Whenever forgiving someone is brought up, we may think, "well yeah, I forgive people all the time", but the truth is we aren't recognizing those grudges that we hold deep within our hearts._

_The nature of forgiveness is to collect whatever compassion you have left for the person that has wronged you, no matter how grievously and turn loose of any anger and pain. If you can't do this — if you can't be compassionate toward that individual, anger will eat away at you and then generate a deep-seated bitterness. I know, I have the receipts for therapy to prove it. This wasn't a problem caused by Sheila, it was mine. Sheila loved her family so deeply she was willing to bear the anger, and the outpouring of unkindness, some by even her best friends, because Kyra was worth it, worth any cost when it came to saving her in her eyes. (Rick noticed a few eyes being dabbed, especially by the former best friend, sitting next to Kyra)_

_Forgiving someone else really provides relief to ourselves, it is freeing. It allows us to break those chains of thought that have been weighing us down. Sheila asked me for forgiveness, and even offered me an open microphone to say whatever I chose, even to disparage her in front of you all. I truly believe those chains that had shackled her for all those years disappeared the moment she made that request. When I read her letter to me, I cried, for her, for Kyra, for those already departed and finally for myself. I cried because if she had only known I had forgiven her years ago she wouldn't have carried that burden needlessly._

_I've heard a lot of people say, "I always forgive but I don't ever forget". To me, that says they don't always forgive. There's an unending burden dwelling inside them. They've been scarred by something and have not let go of that hurt that they have experienced. If they fully forgave the offender, they would be free of that burden. If this is you, and only you know what is inside of you, please take the example of this brave lady, Sheila Blaine, to ask for forgiveness, regardless of the costs. Sheila strove to make a positive change to this earth as represented by the many causes represented here today, but perhaps the biggest change she can make, the one that will truly make her proud, begins inside each of us._

_In closing, I hope I did you proud Sheila, please know we are Good. I've forgiven you years ago, and now even have gained a sense of pride for you standing by your convictions. The most thoughtful thing you did, what we all can do each day, is to recognize when we have done someone wrong and ask forgiveness. It all starts with a heartfelt, I'm sorry. Thank you for the life lesson, thank you for the courage you have passed on to your daughter, and thank you for your passion to make this world a better place for us all. Your job is done, now go rest high, and know that you are loved and missed. Rest in Peace and sing with the Angels, for now, we say until our tomorrow comes, we'll see you on the other side._

_Thank You,_

Rick made his way back to Kyra, tears pooling in his eyes, she fell into his arms sobbing as he tried to comfort her. She finally got out, "Rick, that was so beautiful, I know Mother is smiling at you, finally" and a tearful smile appeared.

The Funeral Director made the announcement that this concluded the public portion of the services, and that refreshments were being served across the drive at the party center. It had been tough, but he got through it, like everyone said, he would do anything for those he loved,

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

"_**WHY are you doing this Kyra, why don't you do all you can to sabotage any hope I have of ever even regaining his friendship?"**_

"_**Rick told me you were cold, but I never thought you could be this cold. WHY? Why do you think? Let me explain it to you, I would rather see him happy with you than keep him to myself knowing his heart is still with you. It's not about you Kate, it's not about me. It's about putting the man we both love first, and both be willing to accept his decision because it will make someone, we love happy.**_

"_**I have to get back to him now, he's actually delivering my Mother's eulogy, even though she cost him the love of his life, he has forgiven her and wanted me to do so also. You see Kate, his heart has no bounds for those he cares about, I thought you would have at least seen it, if not experienced it at least once by now. I'm serious Kate if you miss Sunday's deadline this talk never took place and I will do all I can to make him forget he ever knew you, Goodbye"**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 10**

**Kate Beckett Apartment 7:55 AM Saturday**

Kate had struggled with Kyra's words echoing in her mind the entire night, she was right, Rick had no limits of what he would do for those he loved. She couldn't remember the multiple times' gifts showed up on her desk, Just Because, or if she mentioned she happened to like something, it would somehow find its way to her apartment.

She treated each of them, as she did the man himself, for granted, figuring he would always be there, right beside her, no matter how she treated him. It was obvious to anyone and everyone that he loved her, she had been told by several co-workers, in fact, some female members told her to get her shit together or they were going after him for their own.

She knew Kyra was sincere, she had never heard any woman profess her love for anyone like she had Rick, even willing to walk away if she wasn't what he wanted. She thought back to her parent's love, and she remembered little acts of kindness each had done for the other, knowing it made their spouse happy, even though they didn't enjoy the activity.

She recalled her Mom fishing, how gross she thought it was but she went, every time her Dad wanted to go. It seemed that being with the one you loved, was far more important than what you did, as long as you were together. She was sure that her Dad lived off of the memories of his time with his wife, even more, intimate memories than she could remember, now that she was gone, it was all either of them had left.

She glanced at the clock and her heart clutched knowing, soon Kyra would be going through one of the toughest days of her life, in a way she was glad that she had Rick to lean on, even though the thought of him being with another woman drove her crazy with jealousy. She finally understood the words Kyra said, "it's not about you or me Kate, it's about Rick and who and what will make HIM happy".

She decided to take Kyra's advice, if nothing else it was at least her trying something other than as she said, "sitting on her ass, wishing and hoping", it was at least some effort to make him understand, no not that, even she didn't understand why she did what she did, she just wanted another chance and his forgiveness.

She gathered her writing materials, put her phone on quiet, poured the last of the tea, coffee just didn't taste right now without him and began to try to reach the forgiving soul inside Rick, she knew it was asking for more than she deserved, but she had to do something.

She closed her eyes for a moment, it didn't take long for the memories to come racing back, each comment, each action, no matter how hurtful, he was still there, at the hangar, at the cemetery, all because of those words, I love you, Kate, I love you. Words, she couldn't find the strength to even acknowledge hearing, so where to start? Pick one Kate, just pick one and start, she chastised herself.

"_Dear Rick,_

_I know this is a surprise to you, well it is for me as well, but I have to thank Kyra for making it clear that I needed to say something to you if you will bear with me and please finish reading this letter. I know I am terrible at these, you're the wordsmith Rick, but this is my attempt to at least tell you I am sorry for all the things I did, before and after the shooting. I treated you, not as my partner, not even how a friend would treat a friend, but no matter how badly I treated you, I could always count on you being there to save me, time and again._

"_I'm sorry beyond words for my actions, and more thankful than you will ever know for you always being there to pull me out of jams, the last one that would have killed me, just as you warned had you not jumped in front of me when you did. I'm sorry I was so stubborn I dismissed your warnings; even more I am sorry for the cruel things I said to you._

"_I told you after the book signing that Josh and I broke up, I didn't tell you it was an hour after you left my hospital room, and I knew you had truly said the words that saved me more times than I can count during my three-month self-imposed exile, I know it was stupid and it was my fault, I'm sorry for hurting you and so many people. I led you to believe that he and I shared time together after I left the hospital, the truth is my Dad was with me for three weeks, until he could no longer stand me either and came back to the city._

"_I was a bitch to him, to the doctors, to everyone, blaming everyone for the pain I was in except where it belonged, on myself. One of your comments that resonated with me was that I was no longer seeking justice, I wanted a war, and you were right. I know, it's hard for you to believe you read that so once again You Were Right, about many things._

"_I know Kyra loves you, truly loves you because she challenged me to do something, I thought was crazy, until I recalled something you said. Kyra offered to walk away, to never bother us should you have chosen me, but I blew any hope of that. I know Kyra was truthful, she would do anything to make you happy, I will also, even if it means I never see you again, knowing your heart wants what the heart wants. I can only pray now it's me, but with what has happened, I'm not holding out much hope. Please forgive me, for the hurt, pain, and suffering I caused you, it was stupid and was done by a woman who only thought of herself._

"_I know that you don't believe me when I say I love you with all of my heart, why should you, I've done nothing but hurt you. I also know that Kyra is not just a replacement for me, I know now how deeply you did love me, and how much you hurt when I pulled the Demming and Josh incidents on you. Kyra was your first love, a special type and kind of love that one never gets over. I will say this Rick, follow your heart, if Kyra is the one to make you happy, I wish you both the best. I only hope you and she can forgive me and we can at least part as friends._

"_I know now the pain you felt when I brought Josh into the mix, and to add even more hurt the smart-aleck quips and putdowns I mouthed to you, those I will never understand why I acted in such a manner. YOU didn't deserve it, had never hurt me deliberately, but I have to say now, I am feeling every bit of hurt you felt knowing it's Kyra sharing your most intimate moments. _

"_I know you will be with her until the end of her Mother's service at least, so I won't bother you until she has had time to grieve, losing one's Mom is something no one ever gets over. I am here, if you need me, or can find it in your heart to forgive me, I would really like to sit down with you face to face, to look you in your eyes, and let you know this is as sincere as I have ever been in my life._

"_There are so many things I want to tell you, to say you were right, to say thank you for, and to ask you to forgive me for, I could write a book, but for now, I wanted you to know two things. I love you, Richard Castle, I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. Next, I finally see just how wrong I've been and how much I have torn your heart to pieces, I want to make that right if only as a friend, I still will work each day to prove to you I have changed._

"_The clock has just struck 1:00 PM meaning the worst part of the worst day in Kyra's life is over. I'm thankful for your support for her, I know just how important that is on a day such as today. I won't ramble on, although I could write an entire volume of apologies, please know, I accept what I did as my fault, I know it was all me, no one else, and I ask for your forgiveness, first, and should it be possible I truly want to maintain some portion of your life, even if just a friend, if that's possible._

"_I won't call, I won't show up, I won't run by the loft, I will wait until you find the time, and forgiveness to answer this letter, if no response is received, I'll understand. I will still love you, and will live each day regretting the time I had it all, and threw it away."_

_Love Always,_

_Kate,_

She transferred the letter carefully from the legal pad to the stationary Rick had bought her, it had puppies as the background, a makeup gift when she had forgiven him for sticking his nose into her Mom's case. He knew she loved animals and had offered to buy her a pony, but finally stepped up to the plate and delivered a heartfelt apology.

The stationary was just a gift, along with the flowers that he placed on her desk when he turned to leave, making it three-quarters of the way to the elevator before he heard her say, "Castle, see you tomorrow" which was her acceptance of his apology. It had taken several months but he had finally worked his way back into her life, as much as she denied it, she loved every minute she spent with him.

She called the courier service to pick the letter up and arranged to have it delivered on Sunday, with the signature required for proof of receipt. She then went about cleaning the apartment, again, and finally broke down and went grocery shopping after purging and cleaning her refrigerator of the Styrofoam temples as Rick had named them. Now all she could do was wait, pray, and hope that she hadn't killed the love he had for her completely, a few months ago it was a sure thing today, she wouldn't bet on things being the same.

Xx

Rick and Kyra had taken a few minutes to allow her to compose herself before they went across the drive to the hall for the reception. Much to their surprise, almost everyone who had attended the service was there.

"That was a lovely eulogy, Rick, I'm sure Sheila would be proud of you if she were here to say it herself," her best friend said as she hugged Rick.

"Thank you very much, but it was all true, once I understood the reasoning behind her decisions, how can you hate a parent for protecting their child? I'm sure we both could have approached the situation differently, but I was young and dumb, I mean weren't we all at one time?" he smiled as Kyra had grasped his hand and wasn't letting go. He turned to look at her and found the two brown eyes locked on him with a look so full of love, it almost melted his heart.

Rick and Kyra both were greeted once again by almost everyone at the luncheon until finally at 3:00 PM the Funeral Director announced that the cleanup crew would be on-site in thirty minutes, finally forcing some of the crowd to begin to leave.

Rick's limo pulled up at 3:30 PM on the dot and a totally exhausted couple collapsed in the back. Rick holding a weeping Kyra close as he comforted her on the way to the family mausoleum. The Funeral Director and his staff had already placed Sheila into her permanent home, next to her husband, and beside Karen, and sealed the vault to spare Kyra from those details. Rick allowed her to proceed forward on her own but was pulled by the hand that never left his to stand next to her.

She lowered her head, said quietly, _"Mom, it was a beautiful service, everyone said how proud you would have been, and I have to agree. Rick's with me, and he delivered your eulogy, it was so sweet and understanding Mom, even you would have cried. He's been with me since I returned to New York, well you probably know that, but I don't think I would have made it through this without him. _

"_You were right Mom, I still love him, even more than I remembered, and I know he loves me. Well, I just wanted to be sure you were in your new home and didn't need anything. Thanks for everything Mom, I know we didn't always agree, but I never stopped loving you, and I never will, Goodbye, for now, Mom, I'll be back when I can. I love you, Daddy and Sis. Bye_"

She turned and fell into Rick's arms as he gently guided her back to the limo, and home. He held her the entire way, just kissing her head gently, reassuring her that he was there for her and would be for as long as she needed him. They had almost reached the loft when she had finally regained her composure. They walked silently to the elevator and then to the loft when they entered the door, Rick picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

"Kay, change into some comfortable clothes and we can hang out here, or go out, whatever you want, OK?"

"Thanks, I think I need to plan my return trip to London, I need to finalize some things there"

"You're going to the UK? "Rick's voice cracked with emotion, "I mean we just reunited, you can stay for a little while, longer can't you?"

She smiled, "I was hoping you would ask that; I'm going back to sign the papers for the sale of the boutique, I'm moving back to New York Rick."

He smiled, "Oh then why don't I come with you, I can see Alexis while we're there, then help you if you need anything and we can return to New York together,"

"Is that what you want to do Love? Think hard, I know I came back at a terrible time for you in your life, but if this is what you want, I would love to have you with me, honestly, I was dreading the day I had to leave you again."

"When do you have to be back Kyra, I mean I have nothing going on here" he smiled that special smile for her,

"As soon as possible, my lawyer is holding the papers so I can sign them as soon as I return."

"Is tomorrow too soon?", he laughed

"What are you talking about Rick, tomorrow? That would cost a fortune" then she just sighed, "OK if you want, we can leave tomorrow."

Rick clicked a button on his computer, and said "Done, we leave tomorrow at 4:30 PM, two first class to Heathrow, so what else do we need to do?"

Kyra took him by the hand, and led him to the bedroom, "I don't want to take medication and this is the only other thing that will calm me enough to rest", as she began to kiss him deeply.

Rick responded with exactly what she needed, and within the hour, she was in his arms relaxed and in a state of physical euphoria, "If this is a dream please don't wake me Love,"

"It's no dream, well it is a dream come true but it's real. Snuggle in here and get some rest, we have a long trip ahead of us", as he guided her head to his chest, a few minutes later he heard the quiet breaths of her fast asleep, so he closed his eyes, praying that it wasn't a dream.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

_**She transferred the letter carefully from the legal pad to the stationary Rick had bought her, it had puppies as the background, a makeup gift when she had forgiven him for sticking his nose into her Mom's case. He knew she loved animals and had offered to buy her a pony, but finally stepped up to the plate and delivered a heartfelt apology. **_

_**The stationary was just a gift, along with the flowers that he placed on her desk when he turned to leave, making it three-quarters of the way to the elevator before he heard her say, "Castle, see you tomorrow" which was her acceptance of his apology. It had taken several months but he had finally worked his way back into her life, as much as she denied it, she loved every minute she spent with him.**_

_**She called the courier service to pick the letter up and arranged to have it delivered on Sunday, with the signature required for proof of receipt. She then went about cleaning the apartment, again, and finally broke down and went grocery shopping after purging and cleaning her refrigerator of the Styrofoam temples as Rick had named them. Now all she could do was wait, pray, and hope that she hadn't killed the love he had for her completely, a few months ago it was a sure thing today, she wouldn't bet on things being the same.**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 11**

**Castle's Loft**

**Sunday 2:45 PM**

It had been a hectic evening for Kyra and Rick, gathering up her belongings, of course, Rick had a story to tell for each intimate one she tried to pack, but they finally completed the task late in the evening, and enjoyed one last trip down memory lane. Kyra awoke after a short nap and just laid there looking at him with such a look of love. She couldn't believe she would be departing for her old home, well for a few more weeks till she could close out the business details, then she would return back to New York, hopefully with Rick by her side to a location that would include her.

A very sleepy voice muffled "It's not polite to stare when I'm sleeping, did I mess up?"

She laughed, rolled on top of him and kissed him sweetly and deeply,

"No Love, you did everything perfectly, you are perfect, I just can't believe how fast things are happening."

"Kay, we dated, spent almost every waking minute together for three years, what makes you think a 16-year long break would slow us down once we were reunited. Even Ross and Rachel got back together quicker than us after their break" She laughed with his Friends TV Show reference, but he was correct, they had practically lived inside each other for so long, until, well until she made the biggest mistake of her life.

Tears came to her eyes, "I'm sorry Rick, we shouldn't have had any break if I had only*"

"Shhhh, things happen for a reason, who knows what would have happened had we hooked up for good back then, I know I was immature, maybe you would have been mature enough to handle the pressures but looking back, honestly, I approached life with blinders on. I could have ruined us, something I can't even think about."

"Rick, we both know you were more mature than any of our class, but thank you for trying to take the guilt away. I guess you're right, things seem to always work out the way they are supposed to. I'm only concerned about Kate, I mean I know I am busting in on your three years of pursuing her, and I feel bad for her, well sometimes, but mostly I'm just so damn over the moon that you are with me I can't stand it."

"Kyra, she's had opportunities to let me know how she felt numerous times before you came back into my life, so don't feel guilty over coming back into my world now. IF she really cared, she would have acted, or at least left some kind of hint that she wanted to at least discuss the possibility. Nada, zilch, nothing, so the guilt is not on you."

"I know Love, but you remember how bad I felt after I learned about Stella in school, don't you? She was crazy about you."

"Oh, Kay, you can't be serious, some underclassman had a crush on me, stalked me until I had to get a restraining order and then threatened you and all my friends. The girl was crazy all right, but not only about me. She could have hurt one of us seriously if she hadn't gotten the help she needed."

"I know, but I knew how much I loved you, and how I would have felt if I couldn't have gotten you to notice me, I mean, I did chase you, remember?"

"That was you chasing me? I thought you wanted me to go somewhere and die, you tried to ignore me for a solid week, but I kept coming around till you finally agreed to**"

"Go to the Bon Jovi concert with me," they both said in unison, then laughed.

"Yes, the best concert I have ever gone to, but I couldn't tell you one song they did, I was just so happy to be with you. You wrapped your arm around my waist and protected me as we made it through the crowd, it was the start, I knew it then, I loved you. I know it sounds stupid, but I really did. I have never felt that way before or since, the only time I fell that way is when you hold me."

"Well I remember one, it was my unofficial theme song back then, 'Living on a Prayer' I thought any day you were going to wake up and tell me goodbye for good. I may have looked confident, but Kay, I was scared stiff that somehow, someway I wouldn't be good enough for you. It took three years and I was just beginning to believe it was real, and all was right with the world when we met at Times Square, and my world ended."

Kyra was hugging him, tightly, kissing his cheek and temple through her tears all the while whispering, "I'm sorry Rick, so, so sorry, please forgive me over and over."

"Hey we've been over this Kay, that's over and done, we were both victims, no more I'm sorries, OK?"

She sniffled, and kissed him deeply, locking on his eyes, "OK Rick, I can't tell you what you going to London with me means to me, why are you doing this Love?"

"Simple, I let you get away once to foreign soil, never again, I'm where you are, well as long as you'll let me OK?"

They almost had to take another shower, one that would have definitely made them miss the plane. As they hurried to the waiting limo, Rick had to sign for a courier delivery and instructed Eduardo to place it with the other mail, on the counter, he would attend to it when they returned. He was only expecting legal documents from his lawyer on the purchase of some additional property, so he didn't give the courier a second thought as they headed to the airport.

Xx

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Sunday 5:15 PM**

Kate was keeping herself busy arranging her collection of thimbles her Mom had left her, gazing upon each one and remembering the story behind it. The one she loved the most was the one from Arizona, it simply said I Miss You, and as she remembered it was the first souvenir Jim had brought back from a business trip for his then-girlfriend Johanna.

She was trying everything to stay busy, not to think about the letter, about Rick, even more not to think about Kyra and how this woman had seemed to appear from nowhere to disrupt her chances of being with the man she loved. She knew that wasn't fair, she had never told Rick how she felt, how was he to know the way she treated him, and Kyra was indeed his first true love, it didn't take much time to rekindle the flames even higher than she assumed they had been when they were younger.

Finally, she heard the sound of she had been waiting for, the chirp of a text on her phone. She rushed over, grabbed the phone and opened the text to see the message, Letter Delivered, and the attached scrawled signature of Rick, it looked like he was in a hurry, or perhaps angry, usually, his signatures were smoother.

It was his handwriting that she knew for sure, now came the waiting game, would he read it, would he respond, what would the response be? So many questions, no answers, she finally collapsed onto the couch and plugged her iPod in selected her playlist of the saddest songs of the decade and cried.

Xx

Rick and Kyra had a great flight, no delays, and smooth flight pattern all the way from JFK Airport to Heathrow, they quickly cleared customs and met their driver who whisked them away to their hotel. The flight left New York at 4:30 PM arrived in London at 12:56 AM EST, but with the time difference of 5 hours it was already 7:56 AM and the airport was bustling.

Rick had booked the penthouse at the five-star hotel, The Berkeley, in the Knightsbridge section, trying not to invade Kyra's personal space, until she was ready to invite him in. She owned a beautiful two-bedroom flat located in Hampstead Manor but had talked to a realtor about putting it on the market. Rick thought the hotel would provide them much more privacy, plus he had mixed feelings about sleeping in a house once inhabited by her ex-husband.

Kyra's plan was to sell all her properties and return to New York, perhaps either buying an existing upscale designer practice or relocating her successful brand to the USA. She had created, from scratch, a bestselling line of women's clothing and accessories, named The Castle's and owned the design firm that was responsible for the creation of new market entries. She had several award-winning designs and had done very well for herself, especially after Gregg had left and she focused strictly on her business.

During the ride from the airport to the hotel Rick thought he might be able to speak to Alexis, he had emailed her the details previously but wanted to make sure she didn't think he had made a trip to check up on his little girl. He pulled the cell from his pocket, and hit the speed dial button, as Kyra hung on to his hand,

The phone rang once, twice, then on the third ring, he heard,

"Hi Daddy, did you have a good flight, how is Kyra, I hope she's with you" came rushing out,

"Hi Sweetie, yes we had a wonderful trip, we're in the limo headed to the hotel, and of course Kyra is with me, want to say hi?"

Kyra is freaking out, she had never spoken to Rick's daughter much less met her, and wasn't sure how the young lady was going to take her coming back into his life, especially after all that had happened.

"Hi Kyra, welcome back to the UK, and Thanks for taking care of Daddy, he's told me all about you. I hope you've saved some time, I would love to have lunch, just the two of us girls someday before you go back to the states, that is if you want to?"

"Hi Alexis, yes, I've heard so very much about you as well, I would love to have a girl's day before we return, there's so much I need to catch up on with, how do you like school here?"

"School is great, but I do miss New York, I mean it's not home"

"I know, I think I missed Nathan's and a good slice of pizza more than anything when I first moved here, well other than a certain man we won't mention,"

Alexis laughed, "I know what you mean Kyra, I missed those as well, and good thing you didn't mention that man's name, his head is big enough" she laughed when Rick objected kiddingly

"Hey, you two, you do know I'm right, here don't you?"

Kyra and Alexis both giggled, and Alexis surprised her when she said, "I'm glad you're with Daddy, I haven't heard him happier, so thank you."

"Hey Pumpkin, eh Alexis, as he heard a voice clear on the other end of the line, what's your schedule like, do you think you can meet us for dinner tomorrow, say around 6:00 PM at the hotel? I can have the car pick you up and take you back if you're free, I really would love a hug, and I can't wait for you to really meet Kyra,"

"That works for me Dad, just tell them to send the sedan not the stretch, it's already hard enough to fight off the Rich American Author's brat of a daughter label,"

"OK, will do, I love you, and it's going to be great to see you again,"

"I love you too Daddy and Kyra, take care of each other till I see you tomorrow, I have to go, class is about to start." The line went dead as Kyra looked at Rick in amazement, happy amazement. For every scenario she had pictured talking to Alexis for the first time, this one never made the list.

"She's quite a young lady Rick, so mature you should be proud of the job you did."

"Thanks Kyra, I told you not to worry about her, as long as I'm happy, she is happy, she just worries about me since, well there was a dark stretch there I put her through more than she should have ever had to worry about. I drank too much, and lost sight that my little girl still needs me, just not in the same way she used to."

"Was that during the three months that Kate had exiled herself and you waited for her call? It's OK, talk about it, we all go through some tough times."

"Yes that was it, Alexis finally put her foot down and told me that unless I grew up, or a pair, not sure exactly what she said, but anyway, she put the acceptance from Oxford down and told me I would never see her again unless I dried up and quit feeling sorry for myself." He turned and looked out the window, embarrassed,

Kyra gently turned his head back to hers, and kissed him, "You messed up, Love, nowhere near as badly as I did, but you made it right, even before you knew there was something other than the hope of Kate and you to live for. That takes courage Love, tons of it, I'm here, I hope Alexis accepts me, that is if you still want*"

She didn't finish her words, as Rick kissed her in his special way, proving to her, not only did he want her there, he loved her, and was so glad she was with him. "Wow, one more of those, and we won't be able to unpack before I take you to the bedroom and have my way with you" she whispered,

Rick's response was another kiss, Kyra didn't remember much more than his lips and hands caressing her all the way, till finally, the driver announced they had arrived. Just like two love-struck teenagers, they stumbled out of the limo, and to their room, Rick saluting the Guest Services Director who had already checked them in. The rest of the day was spent, napping, and making love, it was the first day out of New York, out from the shadow of an NYPD Detective, and both felt free, more than either had in months.

Xx

**THREE DAYS LATER**

**Kate Beckett's Apartment**

Kate had made it through another shift, another senseless killing, with the perpetrator long on emotions, short on brains and was easily caught after killing his best friend. The fact he had been carrying on an affair with the man's wife, not secretly, for the last two years didn't help him when he finally broke under questioning and admitted shooting the man.

Somehow, she had managed to function almost on auto-pilot, with Esposito and Ryan doing most of the heavy lifting, until she could make it out of the precinct and hurry straight home. Once again, another day, no text, no call, and when she checked her mail upon arriving home, no return letter either.

She was feeling more than depressed, she thought the lack of an answer, even go to hell or leave me alone was more hurtful than receiving a good chewing out. She had to get out of the apartment and decided to take a walk, her feet led her in the direction of the loft, and once she reached it, she thought what the hell, I have to know, one way or the other.

As she walked into the lobby, Eduardo, the chief bellman and head of security addressed her,

"Miss Kate, what brings you to Mr. Castle's home? May I help you?"

"I thought I would surprise him with a quick visit Eduardo, no need to announce me," she replied becoming more bolden

"I'm sorry Miss Kate, but you can't do that,"

"Why not Eduardo, I've done it several times before"

"Yes Mam, but never when Mr. Castle was out of the country."

"What? Out of the country? Where did he go? When did he leave? When will he return?" questions flew from her mouth,

"I'm sorry Miss Kate, he and Miss Kyra left for London on Sunday, he said he didn't know how long they would be gone, but I was to follow his instructions while he was away."

"Sunday? Eduardo, did you work Sunday, and if so, do you remember a Courier delivering a letter to Mr. Castle?"

"Yes Mam, I worked and the courier showed up just as they were leaving, Mr. C signed for it and told me to add it to the mail on the counter, is there something wrong Miss Kate?" as she turned a sickly shade of pale and almost threw up, he received the letter but didn't read it, and won't until he returned, in God knows when.

"No, no Eduardo, I'm fine, thank you, thank you very much" she turned and headed any direction away from the loft, so this was how Rick felt for the almost four months when she never called? God what an idiot she was and now she was certain, her last chance with him was gone. Tears fell as she finally made her way home, she had fought them back for the entire way, but now, well they fell and she didn't care

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

"_**What? Out of the country? Where did he go? When did he leave? When will he return?" questions flew from her mouth,**_

"_**I'm sorry Miss Kate, he and Miss Kyra left for London on Sunday, he said he didn't know how long they would be gone, but I was to follow his instructions while he was away."**_

"_**Sunday? Eduardo, did you work Sunday, and if so, do you remember a Courier delivering a letter to Mr. Castle?"**_

"_**Yes Mam, I worked and the courier showed up just as they were leaving, Mr. C signed for it and told me to add it to the mail on the counter, is there something wrong Miss Kate?" as she turned a sickly shade of pale and almost threw up, he received the letter but didn't read it, and won't until he returned, in God knows when.**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 12**

**The Berkeley, London England**

**Two Days Later**

Alexis and Kyra had hit it off immediately the night they met in person for dinner, in fact, Kyra had spoken to her more than Rick in the last few days. Today was a girl only shopping trip, Rick had an appointment with Fox Run Publishing to discuss the possibility of resurrecting a deal he had thrown away two years earlier. They had gone with another author, but it was no secret, sales were disappointing as well as some of the gossip didn't bode of a good working relationship between all parties.

"Hey, Dad, why the long face? I thought you had an appointment" Alexis greeted him when she showed up at the door,

"I'd rather spend the day with my girls, but someone has made it Girls Only, any idea who that could be?"

"Look, Dad, Kyra and I need to get to know each other, we don't have a lot of time before you go back to the states, and I want to be sure she knows as much about me as I do her. WITHOUT your interruptions"

"Hey it's only for a few hours Love, you aren't jealous, are you? I mean I'm with your daughter, not going out with a young hunk unless Alexis has fixed us up" she winked at Alexis who laughed, as Rick cringed.

"Hey, that's not funny daughter, and of course I'm jealous, I've always been but I never showed it before."

"WHAT? You never had any reason to be, I only loved you, that never stopped. No matter what path our lives took, it was you, always you, and well, that hasn't changed" Kyra kissed him sweetly, and whispered low enough for only him to hear, "I'll let you go shopping for what you love when we get home, it's important to Alexis for us to bond." She kissed him again, as he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"You're right, I have the meeting anyway, so we'll see what happens with that, you ladies enjoy your shopping. I still miss you both," he made his sad puppy eyes, as the ladies were leaving,

"We'll be home soon Dad, and I promise no hunks, well this trip" as Alexis giggled and closed the door just in time to avoid a pillow launched at her,

Rick called Paula, no matter how far away from New York he was, he knew to never try to navigate the waters of deal-making without his own private shark.

"Hey Ricky, enjoying the sights over there, tell Alexis I said hello and we are all so proud of her, I suppose you want to know if I'm ready for today's call, and the answer is Hell Yes, let me do the negotiating, you just sell your pretty fingers to Lord Barrow, the Managing Publisher there." She spewed out in her nasal New York tone,

"You know me so well Paula, I'll do that, but the big thing here is I need some flexibility, I know the character is set, but I need to be able to develop him my way, not to some template. They tried that, and it looks like they learned their lesson."

"You bet you bottom they did, I started negotiations at 30% higher than the original final offer last time, subject to some conditions we need to discuss, such as number of weeks you are required to stay in England, where your home office may be located, and the increased slope of revenue based on sales, the more books sold the higher percentage you receive up to a cap, that I will work on with them."

"Sounds great Paula, as usual, you have everything covered. Oh, I shouldn't need to tell you but this is all confidential, OK?"

"OK on my part Ricky, but Gina already knows and is ready to put in a recommendation for you, guess things at Black Pawn aren't going so good for her since she lost her cash, not a cow, but bull, yeah we'll go with that her cash bull." Then she laughed.

"You're kidding, Gina would put in a word for me, not try to sue me, even though our contracts were up over four months ago?"

"Yep, she just had one request, and I told her I would talk to you when the time was right, she would love a final Nikki Heat novel, you don't have to kill anyone off, in fact, she would prefer that you didn't but just think about it Ricky, they are willing to offer a ton of money. I know you have at least 4 books over 80% done, so it would be an easy payday for you WHEN you are ready."

"Thanks, Paula, how long have you know about this, and not burned my ear about it?"

"Look, Ricky, Kyra is back in your life, I found out the day of her Mom's funeral so there wasn't a proper time to tell you, besides you were too damn happy just being Rick again."

"I appreciate your sensitivity, let's see how the interviews go today, then we'll know how to proceed. I want to make sure I don't cut myself too thin with commitments, I mean, well, hell you know what I'm trying to say."

"That I do, Ricky, so take care, knock them dead then call me and let me do what I do best. Talk soon, and Rick, stay happy, it's been far too long since I've seen you this way. You know I love you too, so take care and call me soon." Then she was gone.

Rick proceeded to the address he was given and was met with the Red-Carpet treatment. The entire interview was more about why he should write the next three novels for a certain British Secret Service Agent, rather than asking him why or how he was qualified to do so.

Rick had played poker long enough to know the value of a good bluff, so when they were tossing out ideas, and ranges of compensation, he swallowed hard but left nothing but doubt on his face. The more they talked the higher the offer became in; fringes, royalties, and advances per book, his request for control were granted, and even then, he left them stunned when he announced he would think about it, and thanked them for their time.

He managed to hold in his excitement for three blocks until he raised the shade between him and the driver and let out a "Yippee-ki-yay" leaving out the expletive McClain used in the movie Diehard. He dialed Paula, and on the third ring heard;

"Way to go, Ricky, they want you so bad they met every one of our demands, I'll email you the PDF package as soon as I finalize it, look it over, then when the contract comes, I'll send one copy to you and one to Howard as normal for his legal review."

"Thanks, Paula, I couldn't believe it, I mean I told them I wanted control of the subject and how the characters progressed, once we agreed upon the title and approximate length of the book, I thought for sure they would gag at that. They answered, "we have your Administrative Assistant all clued in as to your demands, and sincerely hope you will take on the challenge. We know ghostwriting as Sir Ian is something writers as famous as yourself would seldom consider, but we really think you are the one that can rescue the last attempt we made." Rick was still in shock.

"As I said, maybe it all worked out for the best turning them down three years ago. I'll get the documents to you shortly," goodbye for now

Xx

Alexis and Kyra had shopped till they dropped, and used the delivery service offered by the upscale boutiques rather than lug packages around all day. After a quick lunch, they found themselves in Golder's Hills Park, near Hampstead Heath. It wasn't as well known as some other parks but was equally as beautiful.

"Have you ever been here Alexis?"

"No, all the others usually go to Hyde or some of the bigger, or more common parks, this is beautiful though. I take it we're not here to count the clover, so do you want to go first or shall I? I know you've been dying to talk about Dad and you, so let's get that conversation over with, shall we?"

"You're more like your Dad than you know, very observant, and intelligent as well. Please go first, and tell me what's on your mind."

"Well, you know about Kate, probably more than anyone else, since Daddy trusts you. I'm only going to ask, do you Love Him? If you do, do you love him enough to put his needs first? Kate has fallen short of that every time, and I can't go through another episode where all he wants to do is drink and look at his phone. I finally had to put my foot down and show him I was leaving for Oxford before he snapped out of it."

"That's a fair question and the answer to both is simple, yes. How much do you know about your Dad and my early days?"

"Not too much, only that he was head over heels in love, for three years he thought he owned the world but your Mom didn't like him and talked you into going abroad, which ended the relationship, and almost ended Dad."

"What do you mean Alexis, almost ended your Dad? I thought he went out to Los Angeles, met your mother and fell in love with her, then came home to New York with you."

"Well, Dad doesn't know I know, so please Kyra, I'm trusting you, Dad volunteered for the Marines, since his best friend Bob Weldon was leaving, he got to enlist on the buddy system. Uncle Bob said that he didn't see Dad again for two years, but anyway, he did some crazy stuff while he was in the service, stuff he talks about in his dreams sometimes, so just a warning, get him to open up to you.

"The first time he went into one of the dreams he scared both Grams and me, so he went to therapy and then we didn't hear any more about it. I think he was at the police station as much as he was, not because he needed them, but in some cases they needed him. I know it drove him crazy when Kate was shot, then the lie, then he was asked to leave by the new Captain. Uncle Bob could have had him back there in a minute, but Dad was done, with cases, with the cops there, and especially with Kate.

"I asked him, and I'm sorry if this is rude, but I want to be honest, I asked him what hurt him more, Kate or you?"

"What did he say Alexis, "tears forming in Kyra's eyes.

"He said that your only sin was you allowed pleasing your mother to come before him, you destroyed him, but not because you were malicious or for no reason, you were trying to please everyone."

Kyra dabbed her eyes, "Hey I'm sorry Kyra, I just don't want to start off with any lies, or sugar coat anything," Alexis continued

"He said he still couldn't figure out WHY Kate chose to lie, to hurt him deliberately, or to continually dangle the possibility of being something in front of him, it was one hurt after another. That's why he forgave you, I think he's working on forgiving her, but to be honest, I think it's going to be a while. She almost destroyed Daddy, and I hate her for that."

"Alexis, I know I don't know you all that well, but sweetie, hating someone is a strong emotion that usually hurts us more than them, I think you hate the hurt she caused, but from what your Dad and I have talked about, you loved her and really wanted them to work out for a while. It's OK, I mean I wasn't even around, your Dad is quite the catch, and any woman should be proud to be his lady."

Alexis looked shocked, but then softened, "I guess you're right Kyra, I mean she did lose her Mom at age 19, but how long is she going to use that as an excuse to treat people like crap? I told Daddy, he never would allow me to be treated that way, why was he taking it and acting like a little love-struck puppy?"

"I knew your Dad when we were young, I don't know how much hurt he has gone through with your Mom and Gina, I do know that he wouldn't have married either if he didn't love them in some form. I think Kate, well I don't know, but I think I know enough of your Dad who always has to fix things or make them better, in doing that I'm sure he loved Kate, perhaps even more than he loved me."

"No Way Kyra, I can tell you that, I saw him look at that picture he thinks no one knows is by his desk since I was a little girl, and he never stopped looking at it. Sometimes I would see him look at it until he cried, then I would slip away. Can I ask you something Kyra, you can tell me mind my business, if you wish?"

"I'll answer it if I can, Alexis, what do you want to ask?"

"What was the date, well if you remember, the date you left for Paris?"

"It's a date I will never forget Alexis, it was the day I almost ruined my life forever, September 19th, it was a Thursday, your Dad met me at Times Square, we were supposed to go out to a party that night, but instead I boarded a flight to Paris and broke both our hearts, why do you ask the date?"

"Because for every September 19th since I can remember my Dad goes away, either to a cabin or the beach, and stays away for a few days then returns home. He never takes book signings, or we never attend any social functions that day, it is always redlined on his calendar." Alexis looked up to see Kyra weeping harder,

"You see Alexis, I almost destroyed the man I loved since I was 17 years old, trying to live my life the way others wanted me to do so. Take this as your lesson, never let anyone make life decisions for you that you know aren't going to make you happy, I don't mean be disrespectful but stand up for what and who you believe in.

"I didn't and it cost me 16 years of my life, only because your Dad is such a forgiving man, am I here. You asked do I love him? I'll tell you what I told Kate when I spoke to her on the swings, and as you say, please keep this between us, I told her that I loved Rick enough to walk away if he wanted her, and asked did she love him enough to do the same, I didn't get an answer, well one I believed anyway."

"You actually talked to Kate, at the swings? How did that happen? Does Dad know?"

"Well I saw Kate jog by the loft the day after my Mom's service, and I told Rick I needed some air, so I went for a walk. Your Dad had told me about his meeting with her a few weeks earlier at the swings after she stood in line at his book signing, after being gone for almost 4 months.

"Well, I walked to the park, and there she was, so I walked up to her and told her. I was Kyra, I loved your Dad, and if he wanted her, I would walk away, we talked for a few minutes, but I could tell she was uncomfortable so I left and returned to the loft. Your Dad busted me the moment I walked in the door, and you know how he is about lies, so I had to tell him the truth."

"Was he angry, or did he give you I know what you did look?" Alexis scrunched her nose as she giggled,

"Well he pretended to be upset, but he just told me, that he thinks that is over, to give him some time and be patient, which is what I am doing. Do I love him, more than anything in this world, so does that answer your questions?"

"Thanks, Kyra, I didn't know how you would accept me, I know Daddy and I are much closer than most girls and their dads, but I like you very much when you make Dad feel as happy as you have, I love you for it, so we're good. I feel so much better when you guys do go back to the states now, so Thank You for loving my Dad."

"My pleasure, and thank you for raising him so well" they both giggled and made their way back to the hotel, something told them they shouldn't leave the man they both loved alone for too long, or trouble would surely be had.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Empty Swing**

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, RISE, what happened if Rick didn't follow Kate when she walked away to the swings? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted**__**.**_

_**Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.**_

_**Previously **_

"_**What? Out of the country? Where did he go? When did he leave? When will he return?" questions flew from her mouth,**_

"_**I'm sorry Miss Kate, he and Miss Kyra left for London on Sunday, he said he didn't know how long they would be gone, but I was to follow his instructions while he was away."**_

"_**Sunday? Eduardo, did you work Sunday, and if so, do you remember a Courier delivering a letter to Mr. Castle?"**_

"_**Yes Mam, I worked and the courier showed up just as they were leaving, Mr. C signed for it and told me to add it to the mail on the counter, is there something wrong Miss Kate?" as she turned a sickly shade of pale and almost threw up, he received the letter but didn't read it, and won't until he returned, in God knows when.**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 13**

**The Swings New York, New York**

**Seven Months Later**

Kate Beckett, make that Captain Kate Beckett sat at the swings on Elm street, just across from the Barnes and Noble bookstore that she had first seen Rick upon her return, God was it 2 years ago already, and now just a memory she worked hard to understand. She glanced at the empty swing, thinking about the two words that her TO had drilled into her head, "don't live your life and then wonder If Only", damn him anyway. She always thought about the what-ifs. Doctor Burke had helped her make some headway, but she still had bouts of depression and anger.

It was truly ironic that the bookstore had just placed an updated life-sized cardboard replica of Rick, announcing the signing of the last of the Nikki Heat series, Kate had read the latest three Bond books and she suspected that it was Rick who was the new author, even writing under Sir Ian Fleming as a ghostwriter, she knew his style. It was no coincidence that he split time between England and the US. Alexis was due to graduate with honors this year, after just three years, so she had heard from Lanie who had kept in touch with Castle Jr. as she nicknamed her.

He had changed, his hair was longer, and he now sported a pair of dark glasses that made him look even sexier. He also looked happy, the smile he had plastered on wasn't the fake one he used for the crowds, it wasn't the one he used when he used to look at her either, but he was happy, any fool could see that. Gina had called her and offered the option of either having her portrait photoshopped or she could have new ones taken, she opted for the photo-shop option. She avoided answering any questions about Rick, Kyra or Alexis, Martha was touring and making the papers frequently.

"Kate, I'm sorry, I only called to offer you the opportunity to take new shots, before I tell the art department to photoshop you in. I can tell you the shots do reflect Rick, he's fit, healthy, and extremely happy. That's all I ever wanted, and if he's happy so am I or I will be in time. Perhaps you should take the same approach, he's living what he preached, "The heart wants what the heart wants" so I guess if you care about him be happy for him."

"Thanks, Gina, I think I'll go with the photoshop option, I never did take good pictures, well except that session when he made me forget what was happening, "

She couldn't bear to set foot on a photo set with so many reminders of him, her memory of their only session would have to sustain her. He was his typical goofball self, which was why the shots of her were as good as they turned out, he had her relaxed never thinking about a camera, she sighed, as her memories of that day came flooding back for a moment before she could push them back.

He had opted to live in England almost exclusively for the first portion of the year, making periodic trips to New York over the several months, the first came three months after he had left with Kyra on that fateful Sunday, missing her letter by mere moments. She thought then, it wouldn't have mattered, he had been with Kyra all this time, what did she have to offer him that he wasn't already getting, Love, please? Kyra loved him with every bit of her soul, and the hurtful part was Kate knew he was happier with things as they were.

After his first trip home, and return to London, she still hadn't heard a peep about the letter she had written trying to profess her love to him. She had said that if he didn't answer, she would understand, but she was having a hell of a time accepting anything, especially that the Castle Love Boat had sailed leaving her stranded on the isle.

She survived somehow, but she had, reading everything that he had ever written and then as the new James Bond Books came out, she approached them as evidence looking for clues that definitely linked Rick to the books, it killed time and kept her memory of him alive, at least for a while.

Three months later he returned again, how did she know, well saying that she had flagged his financials as a matter of concern wouldn't be too far out of line, as long as no one else tried running them she was safe. She knew he was only in New York for a few days along with Kyra, something to do with Sheila's probate that Kyra had to appear, then they were gone again. This trip, however, didn't depart New York to London, rather they traveled to Denver, and then left for the UK a week later. She just assumed it was a combination vacation and business trip.

She let her mind drift back to his second trip back to New York, **Short Flashback to that time.**

She hated herself, but she broke down and asked Lanie had he married Kyra, and was shocked at her answer,

"Not Yet, she's selling out all of her business and they're living together, but according to English Law, it would hurt them for taxes." Trust her luck, not married because of a fucking tax law, not because he didn't love her.

"Well if they're only living together, eh I ah"

"Kate, did you miss the huge splash in the Times that covered his engagement party, so get it together. If you're hoping to work your way back to him, I think you're late, way late, it's not as if you weren't told."

She hadn't missed it; she just couldn't bring herself to do anything more than look at the pictures. She saved the paper, even cutting out the article from an extra copy she picked up on her way back to the precinct from One PP. His life was full of love and celebration and hers only work, and occasional lunches with her Dad. Even the occasional trips to the clubs had diminished now that Lanie had dumped Javi for good and was getting serious with a doctor boyfriend.

**Present Day as she pushed the Empty Swing**

Once again, she thought of how things could have, should have been different for them all, if she had acted as if he mattered to her as much as her quest for justice for her Mom. Another irony, it was a lead sent by Rick to Kevin Ryan that tied the money trail to Bracken. He knew she would go in guns blazing, so he had also tipped Jordan Shaw and the Feds closed the case with a conviction for Bracken and 22 other Police and city officials.

It resulted in her rapid rise to Captain, one of the officials arrested was none other than Captain Victoria Gates, perhaps one reason she had such hatred for Rick. She accepted the position with a heavy heart, she left not only the job she loved but also the memories of all the cases she had spent time with a certain best-selling author.

Javi got a taste of just how humiliating having another man paraded in front of you could be when Lanie started having her new beau show up to pick her up after work. If a call came in after hours, she often had to have him drive her to the location since they were out socially, and as much as he had rubbed the salt into Castle, he finally broke and transferred to the 54th Precinct. Kevin assumed the Lieutenants position at the 12th Precinct, leaving only Roz and Ann Hastings from the original group.

They all had promised to stay in touch and see each other on a regular basis, but thinking back now, it had been 3 months since she had heard a word from either of her "boys". It was disappointing and added to her loneliness and sense of defeat. One more thing that Rick had done, he always made sure there were parties, or cookouts, something to get together socially, even when she was the bitch to him.

**7 Months from Rick's Departure**

She had almost given up all hope of ever seeing or hearing from him again, until the 7th month after he had left. It was exactly one month from when they, Kyra and he had left New York headed to Denver then the UK when she was sitting in her office late, and the Desk Sargent rang her phone.

"Captain, there is a courier here with a letter from the United Kingdom, marked for signature release only, may I send him up? He has been screened per security protocol."

"Yes, but please have a patrolman accompany him, and treat it as a potential risk" she had never let her guard down after getting shot, almost killed if Rick hadn't pushed her, the fool that he was then, her fool. She wiped her eyes and then prepared to greet the courier and patrol officer.

She knew the handwriting the moment she saw it, he had sent it to the courier company to hand deliver, so if she had moved, or the desk forgot to deliver the mail, he would be sure she indeed received it. She glanced down at the form, showing the courier, her official police I.D. card, and then signed the tablet using her nail as a stylus.

"Thank you, Mam," he said as she handed him a ten-dollar bill and asked the patrolman to accompany him back out of the station. As she heard the elevator doors open and close, she finally took a deep breath and looked at the package. He had gone to great lengths to ensure she did receive his response, but God what had he said.

She decided the letter was much too personal to open at work, so she shut down her computer, grabbed her coat and headed out the door. She stopped to buy a more expensive bottle of wine, the kind that Rick used to send her, that made her all tingly, although she had never told him that, IF ONLY.

As she entered her building the concierge asked her if the courier had reached her at work, he had been by several times, until he had told him where she could be found.

"Thanks, Leonard, I appreciate that, and yes, he found me. Have a good night"

"You as well Captain Beckett," she was usually addressed by her title, not allowing anyone to pierce the protective armor she had put up.

She dropped her keys on the counter, locked her gun in the safe, and changed into her old comfortable lounging clothes. She didn't need to be reminded that she was wearing one of Rick's shirts she had accidentally placed in her clothes when she stayed with his family. She poured the wine, hands shaking, but hey it had already been seven months, any hope for good news had long been gone.

She opened the envelope to find two letters, one in Rick's handwriting, the other in a much daintier, more feminine style, till she realized it was from Kyra, Oh God, now what had she done. Her hands trembled more, as she took a jolt of the liquor bottle sitting on the shelf, foregoing the wine until she could understand what was going on.

On the outside folds of the letters, she read "Read this First" on the letter from Kyra, and on Ricks in bold strokes he had noted, "Don't read this until you read the other letter" in his usual sharpie, almost like he was adding it from a book signing,

She thought to herself, this is going to be interesting, but OK, she would follow instructions. As she opened Kyra's letter she thought back to the day at the swings, the words she said, and the challenge she had issued. She loved him enough to step aside if he chose her, did she? Haunting words for sure now.

"_Dear Kate,_

_You're probably wondering why Rick is so insistent upon me writing this letter and you reading it first. He wanted to ensure that you and I have no grudges against each other and that I didn't hurt your feelings that day at the swings, if I did, I sincerely apologize, it was just my attempt to protect the man we both love just in different ways._

"_I have thought of you often, remember Kate, I had almost 17 years to reflect, to hurt and to ask what if? I take no joy in knowing that you are hurting, and please don't insult either of us by denying your feelings, I understand and I'm sorry that you are hurt. _

"_Rick has talked about you a great deal, and I think most of the anger, and a majority of the hurt has dissipated, the memory of it still sets him off from time to time, but he's come a long way in such a short time, well I know it's not short to you, but from where he was, he has made great strides._

"_I hope that someday if our paths ever cross again, we can be civil at a minimum, or casual friends if possible. I don't hate you, and I truly hope you don't hold ill regard towards me. I'll let Rick explain more about this point in his letter to you, but again, I want to be friendly at least if we meet each other._

"_Congratulations on your promotion, and for the resolution to your Mother's murder, I sincerely hope it brings you some comfort, knowing that it will never ease the ache of loss, no matter how long it's been. Alexis has kept us updated, where appropriate about the happenings back in New York since she and Lanie have an ongoing dialogue. I'm sure you miss your Boys as you called them, but Congratulations to them both for their career moves, we wish them success._

"_One last point before I close Kate, I wanted Rick and you to be on good terms before he and I proceed to our next step. I know you know we are engaged, but us delaying the marriage has nothing to do with tax laws, but has everything to do with forgiveness, Rick of you and you of him. I pointed out the eulogy he delivered for my Mother and made him think about the words he spoke then about forgiveness. If he could forgive my Mom, he surely can forgive you._

"_I ask that you take his words seriously, he has labored for weeks for just the right thing to say, the last thing he wanted was for you to feel more pain, you both have hurt each other enough to last a lifetime. Rick is more sensitive than you may know Kate, and just as you held the majority of his heart when I was still a memory, you will forever hold a piece of it now, he can't nor will I ask him to ever give that part of you up. _

"_That may surprise you, but I know he loved you deeply, perhaps deeper than the young love that we experienced so many years ago, but I know not as deep as it is currently. Once again, I'm sorry if that hurts you, but know that I will do anything, I mean anything to make sure he never feels unloved again. If you love him as deeply as I believe you do, please wish him happiness, not for me, not for you, but for the man who would do anything for either of us._

"_I know today is a shock to you, and I don't expect a response to this letter. It was written more to assure you that I will be here for him, and take care of him for the rest of my life. I know you love him, and inside your soul, all you really want is for him to be happy, please consider his words carefully, as I have said, you still own a part of his heart and always will, please don't break it or cause him pain,"_

_Thanks,_

_Kyra_

_PS. If you ever have a doubt, or a worry you can't put aside, call me at 555-454-5678. It's the US Cell,_

Kate took the wine bottle and chugged a huge slurp, throwing the tissues she had shredded to pieces on the counter as she cried like she hadn't cried in a very long time. This was it, it was really over, and there wasn't anymore second, second chances left, she had lost him forever.

She reached for her iPod and hit play on her playlist, appropriately the first song that came out was Half of Me by Tom Bleasby, it made her cry even on a good day but today was worse than a funeral, at least then he would be gone to everyone. She had to let him go, in her heart, in her dreams, he would live now only in her memories, as the words poured out, so did the tears.

Half of Me

Tom Bleasby

I've got nothing left to say  
So I'll take my coat and I'll be on my way  
I've got nothing left to lose  
No spirit left to ever be bruised  
But I stand tall, down at your feet  
I won't show you that your words they make me bleed  
You've got it all  
I'm incomplete  
Never thought we would amount to compromise and deceit  
Gonna walk away with half of me  
We were never really meant to be  
You belong with someone else  
And before you leave  
I'm gonna walk away with nothing else  
But a ghost of a memory  
Used to think that we would?  
Now I find myself in pieces on the floor  
With my back against the wall  
I know there ain't no lower places left for me to fall  
But I stand tall  
Down at your feet  
I won't show you that your words they make me bleed  
You've got it all  
I'm incomplete  
Never thought we would amount to compromise and deceit  
I'm gonna walk away with half of me  
We were never really meant to be  
You belong with someone else  
And before you leave  
I'm gonna walk away with nothing else  
But a ghost of a memory  
Never mind about the regrets that we've made  
Nor the memories which cut me like a blade  
There's nothing left of what we had before  
So I'll leave half of myself at your door  
Gonna walk away with half of me  
We were never really meant to be  
You belong with someone else  
And before you leave  
I'm gonna walk away with nothing else  
But half of me  
Ohhh  
You belong with someone else  
And before you leave  
Gonna walk away with nothing else  
Than a ghost of a memory

She didn't know how long she cried, but when she awoke, the couch pillow was wet, and the playlist was on the third loop of the songs.

She smoothed Kyra's letter out, placed it in a protective plastic sleeve, and put it on the counter. Now would be the true test, the letter back from Rick. She had waited, prayed for, wished and now all of these were coming true and she was afraid, what could he possibly say that Kyra was worried about her hurting his feelings. Hell, he was engaged to be married, what could be worse.

She gently unfolded the pages to see the neat bold handwriting she had missed so much, her eyes glanced down to begin,

"_Dear Kate,_

"_Thank you for the letter, I know how hard it was for you to write, and it was a great effort since I felt your passion in each line. Kyra told me when she returned from her walk, she saw you at the swings, and about your discussion. I asked her to write to you just in case your feelings were hurt, I know you are far more sensitive than you want to let on._

"_Thank you for the apology, it's something that I wished to hear for a very long time, but I knew, Kate Beckett never says I'm sorry, why should I be different. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel but we are being honest, without subtext and no beating around the bush. I was humiliated Kate, that was bad, but the worst part of all, was when you allowed your Robbery Boyfriend insult me, with Esposito piling on. That was chapter one of the indignation I suffered, but couldn't pull myself away from you._

"_When I returned from the Hamptons, everyone, including the Captain treated me as if I had a communicable disease, later I found out from Roy that it was because I left with Gina the summer before and supposedly broke your heart. I was confused since I asked you several times, you lied when you said you had no vacation, then when Demming let the cat out of the bag, it was all I could do not to just walk out, out of the precinct, your life, and pray I could forget ever meeting you._

"_Again, it may be harsh, but this is the time for truths, and for your information, Gina was dropped off at her townhouse, she never went with me, it was her idea for me to save face in front of your friends we only pretended as if we were going together. You mentioned that I was always there to pull you out of scrapes, did you ever think why Kate? I did, and wondered WHY? _

"_Why wasn't I ever good enough for you, it seemed the more I did, the less worthy of your attention I became. I know that sounds cruel, but think about the stink you threw with Ellie Monroe, we weren't going together, or even talking about it, yet you pulled my chain every chance you got. Who held you in his arms after we survived near-death experiences more than once in the Nuclear Bomb case? It was Josh, the man who was busy saving lives as Castle made pancakes._

"_The more time I spent away from you, the less these issues mattered, it really isn't important to me anymore, and Kyra really challenged me to forgive you. I do, I forgive you, Kate, it has been a long time coming, which is why this letter took so long to send. Just as a point of clarification, I wasn't trying to take the bullet for you at Roy's service, I was trying to knock you out of harm's way as I promised your Dad I would do._

"_Letting me believe something false is the same as a lie Kate, it would have eased a great deal of hurt had you told me outside the book signing the timing of your breakup, even more, why you did. I wasn't the only one left looking for answers, even your friends at the 12__th__ had no idea either._

"_The important thing is that you have apologized and I believe you are sincere, so I will say I do forgive you, Kate. The memories creep in from time to time and I have to remind myself that if I truly forgive you, then I need to forget the hurt._

"_Kyra gave me the female perspective of how you are feeling, I can't argue since I'm not made with the same traits, but if you are hurt, as she thinks, then I wish you healing, don't hurt for me, for your actions, it's done and over and Kyra and I have moved on to a better place. I told her I would never ask her to be my wife until I could honestly say I love her more than I loved you, well that day came months ago. I'm sorry if you're hurt, but please it's time for you to move on, I have._

"_I really don't think we will need to worry about running into each other, soon Kyra and I will return to the states, but not New York. Alexis will take the loft, we are moving to Denver Colorado, so I don't think your beat covers that far, even as a Captain. _

"_I am happy for you that you have solved the case you sought to do; I only hope the price you paid is worth it. If we happen upon one another on the street, I would like it to be friendly as well, as far as being friends Kate, it's still too early for me to go that far. Forgiveness has taken me a long time, a lot of soul searching, and a lot of listening to Kyra challenge me on my spoken beliefs. It is raw, but I'm healing I guess is the best way to put our history._

"_I wish you happiness, I know there are things you held to yourself, perhaps someday you will find someone you trust enough to share your entire self, believe me, Kate, nothing is better than having your soulmate in touch with your fears, successes, trials, and aspirations, it makes life worth living._

"_This is a long letter, but if we don't see each other again, Goodbye Kate, thanks for the good times, I've forgotten the bad and hope you can someday as well,_

_Always,_

_Rick_

Kate had read Rick's letter five times before it registered, he said Goodbye, all she could picture was that damn Empty Swing and it carrying him higher and higher till he was out of sight, If Only.

A/N To listen to Half of me go to this web address, remove the spaces

Remove spaces to hear the song Half of Me,

www. Youtube watch?v=v-Z_ sLeMPC0

I'm marking this one complete, if you're interested, we have a couple of directions to go. I can write an alternative ending with it ending up Casket, or I prefer to write a sequel where they are placed back into each other's lives and deal with spouse or spouses. Let me know what direction you prefer, and Thanks for your Support - Tim


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